Death's Dance To The Stars
by Babydoll4414
Summary: As the personification of death, Natsu had a lonely existence. His purpose? To guide humans to the afterlife and sometimes, help them come to terms with the loss of their life. Their live's were short and they could not even see him. Getting attached to a human was never an option for him. Until it was.
1. Chapter 1

**Diclaimer: This fanfiction contains graphic depictions of death, especially in later chapters. It contains death of any and all kinds. Please proceed with caution.**

* * *

"What happens after I die?"

That was the question he heard most often. Dead people were still curious, creatures. Asking questions even though they were in the process of finding out the answers for themselves anyway.

Natsu never did understand humans, how could he? He was one of the things they feared most. Death. Plain and simple. It was his job to go to anyone who was about to die and help them move on. He was there is all their darkest moments.

Over the years he had seen it all. He had seen the elderly, welcoming him with open arms. Ready for the next adventure. He had seen the strongest of men crying, begging him not to take them. To give them another chance. They rarely ever took responsibility for wasting the first one. Always blaming others for their failures. It was always somebody else's fault that they ended up the way they did. It was always some how his fault that they died too, as if he personally brought about their demise.

The hardest ones to take were the children. The ones who had never even had a real chance. Not that it was the children themselves that ever made it hard, no, it was the crying of the parents that made it hard. They often screamed and clutched their child's body, as though if they held on tight enough they could force there own life into their child's body. Or if they screamed loud enough, someone would hear them and bring their child back. Those were the ones he wished he could give second chances to.

He had tried it once before. For a little baby girl who was born still. It was during his first year of existing. He was a rookie, he didn't know all the rules or why they were there. He just wanted to do something good. He didn't understand that death was not meant to be good or bad, it was meant to be neutral... he was meant to be neutral. He didn't exist to make decisions, merely to help humans pass on so they didn't stay where they didn't belong.

He was not alive so he had no right to meddle with those who were. He was not born. Death was not born. It was brought to existence by supply and demand. A rise in population meant a rise in the death toll. A rise in the death toll meant more work. More work meant more personifications of death came to be. They were not alive. He was not alive. He didn't grow up, he came into existence the way he was now and the way he would be forever.

His first year was the hardest, apparently it always is. He felt evil as he took people away from the lives they once lived and the families who loved them. Love? What must that feel like? He often wondered.

Still, he remembered the only second chance he had ever given. He remembered looking at the baby in his arms, a little girl who seemed to radiate light and how in that moment he couldn't help the clench he felt in his heart. The clench of regret, of feeling as though you have to do something no matter how badly you didn't want to. He looked at her mother who screamed and begged the doctors to help, to do anything they could. She begged god to take her instead.

* * *

_Natsu stood next to the hospital bed of a crying mother, holding the soul of a baby in his arms for the very first time. She was so tiny, he couldn't help the wave of affection that washed over him. He was warned that babies were cute but he wasn't expecting them to look so fragile. Or for him to feel an urge to protect the helpless little thing. He lingered longer than he should have but he couldn't help it, she looked so peaceful as she looked at him without any fear. Just curiosity and innocence. She wrapped her hand around his finger, the first time anyone had touched him with any sort of affection. Did he really have to take her?_

_He knew he did. It didn't make it any easier. Her mother was sobbing uncontrollably, begging for somebody to help her. He turned his back to walk away with the baby in his arms, turning around one last time to look at her mother. He wasn't expecting to be so effected by what she did._

_As she cried she looked straight at him. He knew she was looking through him but still. Just because she couldn't see him, doesn't change that he was there. That she was looking at him, crying, begging for help. Screaming "Please give my baby back to me. Somebody please bring her back."_

_He took one last look at the soul he was holding before placing her gently into her mothers arms. Into the body she would live in. He used his own magic to bind the soul to the body once more._

_"Live a long and fulfilling life little one."_

_The baby let out a scream and the mother cried tears of joy, thanking god for giving her child back. God had nothing to do with it. It was the mercy of death that returned her daughter to her. Nobody ever thanked death for a miracle. It was the disease, never the cure._

* * *

He was punished harshly for what he did. Forced to take all the child deaths he could manage for the next 5 years until he finally became numb to it. Numb to the tears and pleas of the grieving. Numb to the confused looks from the children who didn't understand.

Still, he couldn't bring himself to regret what he had done. He didn't know why, but the fact that there was a person in this world still alive because of him, gave him comfort. She would live her life never knowing that he even exist... but she would live, and that was enough.

If he couldn't live, maybe she could on behalf of him. Maybe that was why he kept an eye on her from time to time. Watching from afar. Never going to close but always slightly in the background.

He knew one day she would die, again. When that time came he would have to take her. Maybe she would greet him like a friend when that time came. Perhaps he could tell her about what he had done for her. Or maybe it would be someone else to take her and he would never get to speak to her. He wasn't sure.

Still as time went on the pain in his chest never really went away. He envied the living. The simple things they took for granted. Things like the feeling of a breeze as it kissed your skin, or the warmth of an embrace. He didn't know what either of those things felt like yet he longed for them.

He had seen so many people crying over the loss of a loved one and he envied them too. What would it feel like to cry? Or to be loved?

He looked around as he felt a familiar feeling. His body dissolving. It always meant the same thing when this happened. Somebody was dying, soon he would appear in front of them and watch them take there final breaths. During those breaths their name would appear on his list, one letter at a time.

"Well another day, another death." He spoke knowing that nobody could hear him.

Still as he took one last look at the young girl he had been watching through he window as she played; the girl he had spared all that time ago. She looked directly back at him with a look of confusion across her face. It had to be a coincidence, she couldn't possibly see him. She must have been looking through him.

Although he couldn't be completely certain, he could have sworn she raised her hand in a little wave right before he vanished. The small gesture causing her name to fall from his lips.

"Lucy."

* * *

"Hello Natsu. How are you feeling today?" Natsu turned to see his boss looking expectantly at him. He stood from his seat on the edge of a skyscraper. He often liked sitting and watching the city below him. He had no reason to be scarred of falling, so it was peaceful for him.

"Hey Gajeel. The usual I guess." If he were being honest he would have said he felt empty. Hollow and lacking in substance. If he done that he would just lecture him.

"You know, it's polite when somebody asks you how you are feeling to then return the question?" Ahhh he was always so serious. It grated on him.

"Okay, how are you?" He knew he sounded sarcastic. He just couldn't help it. He spoke fluently in sarcasm and he enjoyed it that way.

"You really are an insufferable jerk. I actually have a question for ya." Gajeel towered over Natsu with his arms across his chest. His long black hair pulled back into a pony tail.

Natsu wondered how this bloke managed to do his job at all. How any of the humans he guided didn't try to run for the hills the moment they seen him. He didn't exactly have a warm or kind look about him. Although he didn't even know what he looked like himself, since he didn't even have a reflection.

"Yeah, what?" Better to hear his question and get rid of him.

"You've been going to see her again haven't you?"

Natsu stiffened. How did he find out about that?

"What if I was?" Natsu clenched his fist at his sides. It was nobody's business but his, what he chose to do with his free time.

"You know that's a bad idea. Human lives are fragile and fleeting. You shouldn't get yourself so attached to one." Natsu was surprised to see that Gajeel didn't look mad or mocking. Just concerned.

"Yeah I know that. I am not attached at all okay? I just like seeing what she does with the life I gave her. I got in a shit tone of trouble for that. The least she should do is make the most of it." Natsu turned his back on his boss and looked back toward the city below them. The people walking and going about their day.

"Just be careful. You're not exactly smart. You need to know that all actions have consequences, even ours. I would hate for you to lean it the hard way."

"Yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before okay? I know I did a stupid thing but I was younger then. It's not like this job comes with a rule book or anything." He shrugged his shoulders and put his hands behind his head.

"It does come with a rule book. You just never bothered to read it... idiot." Natsu turned to see Gajeel shaking his head at him.

"Whatever. I have been doing this for over fifteen years now. I've only had one major fuck up in that time. Let it go."

Before his boss could respond Natsu jumped from the top of the building toward the pavement below. He had done so many times before.

What has never lived can never die after all.

* * *

"Hey. Don't be afraid. My name is Natsu and I am here to help you." He spoke in as soothing a tone as he could manage. He had said things thousands upon thousands of times before.

The middle aged woman just ignored him in favour of staring at her own body, on the floor surrounded by blood. Murdered by her own husband.

"I loved that man. Why would he do this?"

Because he was sleeping with another woman and thought you would find out and ruin his reputation. Natsu knew better than to tell her the truth. Why hurt her more?

"I don't know. Sometimes people create questions that even they don't fully know the answer to."

The woman started crying. Still looking at her own mangled form. Her husband was in the shower washing her blood off of him.

"Where are you going to take me?"

"Away. Somewhere better than here. Where you can heal and forget the pain of this world." Natsu reached his hand toward the woman. She didn't take it. The brutal deaths rarely ever did on the first try.

"Can you kill him? Make him feel the pain I felt?" The woman looked at him with pleading eyes. Tears still staining her cheeks.

"No. I can not interfere with matters of the human world. I can only guide you to where you are meant to go."

"What will my son do when he finds out?"

"He will grieve for you. Then he will move on with his life just as he is meant to."

Natsu was use to telling these comforting lies. Better to be told a comforting lie rather then a brutal truth. The truth was he didn't know. He didn't know what would happen. All he knew was that this woman's name was on his list, so he had to take her to the veil to pass onto the afterlife.

What was beyond it? Well he didn't know that either. He had never passed through it and he never would.

"Does it hurt?"

"No. It's peaceful, like dreaming." Natsu had never personally had a dream before. He didn't sleep, so he didn't dream.

"Okay. I am ready."

Natsu took the woman's hand and walked toward the light, as he had many times before. He walked with her silently until they reached a blue wall that radiated light and what looked like stardust. He had always thought it was beautiful.

"This is where I leave you. You must go the through on your own." He let go of her hand.

"Alone?" The woman looked scared, a normal reaction to the unknown.

"Death has no place in the afterlife. It is a place of beauty and peace. My place is in the world, helping others on their journey."

With that the woman passed through the wall. She looked simular to someone sinking into water and the light faded around him until he was standing in the house again, looking at the husband trying to scrub his wife's blood out of the carpet. He didn't know what happened to her body, he didn't really want to either.

He clenched his fist at his sides as he felt the familiar burn of anger.

"You piece of shit! You had a wife who loved you! Who cared about you enough to give you a son. A family! How dare you do this!"

The man couldn't hear him. He just continued scrubbing the floor.

"You don't even realize how lucky you were! You had love!"

Natsu reached out his arm to punch the man, it passed straight through him. He had done this before, he knew he couldn't actually hit a human. Still, he sometimes wished he could.

He couldn't help but look forward to the day that man's name appeared on his list.

"I hate people like you." He spat. Right before he disappeared.

* * *

He knew it was a bad idea, sitting outside her window again and watching her read. It was probably creepy too, but he didn't care. He wasn't even alive, what did it matter if he observed someone's life? Besides, watching her always seemed to make him feel better.

She was a teenager now. A beautiful one at that. Her blond hair cascaded down her back and her brown eyes reminded him of chestnuts. She seemed happy, as she turned the pages of whatever she was reading.

Sometimes he wished he was human. He wished he could feel excited about little things like reading a book or seeing a movie. He longed to know what it felt like to be cared about. To care for another in return. To care about anything at all. What would it feel like to be held in another's warm embrace?

That was what separated him most from the souls he collected. They took it all for granted, while he would never know what it all felt like.

It was the real reason he watched her, to live vicariously through her. She owed her life to him, the least she could do was let him spectate. Even if it filled him with a longing that could never be sated.

This was his existence. Nothing more and nothing less.

* * *

Natsu stood awkwardly in corner of the hospital room. Watching a quite intimate moment between a father and his daughter. He felt like he was intruding, as he looked down at the half written name on his list.

As someone's death started looking more and more certain, more letters would appear. It was only when the name was spelled out completely that the death became set in stone. So he just had to wait.

"Dad, I want you to know that I love you. You were my best friend in the whole world. Don't forget that okay?".

"I know princess. I love you too. I am always going to watch over you. No matter what I will always be here." The man in the bed responded weakly.

Both of them were crying. The girl was holding her dads hand in both of hers. The melancholy in the room was thick enough to choke on. Truthfully Natsu was terribly bored. He had seen this scene play like a bad movie at least a thousand times. He could guess what they were going to say almost word for word.

He groaned to himself. "Just die already and get it over with, I have nowhere to be and that's still a more tempting offer then this."

Sometimes these things could take days. It bored him to no end but he still couldn't leave. If he left he might not be able to find them again, and a soul left uncollected could only ever cause trouble.

"Will you say hi to mumma for me?"

Natsu rolled his eyes. How original.

"News flash, he might not even see her where he is going." Natsu spoke aloud knowing that nobody could hear him.

He hated these moments. They dragged on and on and when they finally ended it was a pain in the arse to get the parent to finally leave. They always wanted to stay and watch over their child. It was always hard to tell them what a bad idea that was. So if they didn't go where they were meant to their soul would just fester. Trapped somewhere it didn't belong until it destroyed itself and turned into something dark and awful.

It was a pain in his arse. Plain and simple.

* * *

People walked passed him, sparing him not even a sideways glance. Not that they could see him or anything. The park was more quiet than usual, but the scenery was nice and sometimes something interesting would happen. Like someone falling into a pond or falling over while skateboarding. It was the little things to existence that really added to his day.

It was a lovely and peaceful day off for him. Well earned if he did say so himself. Even death needed to have a life, not that his would ever be much to brag about.

"Ahhh what the hell do you want?" He groaned as a fellow personification popped out in front of him. His worst enemy. Gray.

"I came to tell you to keep an eye of your list. I know it's your day of but there is a person due to die soon. Someone who only you can take." The dark haired idiot crossed his arms with a smug expression that made Natsu want to jump off a building.

"Why am I the only one who can do it? You slacking off or some shit?" He felt annoyed. He done enough work, he didn't need to take on anyone else's.

"No. Remember the girl you gave back? It was years ago but surely even somebody as thick headed as you would remember?"

No. He couldn't be taking about Lucy? Surely she wasn't going to die already. She hadn't even reached adulthood yet.

"Well her mother is sick" -Natsu allowed himself a small sigh of relief -" and it is your job to collect her. She is only dying because of the debt after all."

"What do you mean debt?" Natsu asked, crossing his arms and glaring at his rival. He didn't have any debt to pay.

"Wow, you really didn't read the instruction book did you? I shouldn't be surprised. You're probably to stupid to read. Anyway. When someone is due to die, somebody had to die. You saved that girl so in her place somebody else needed to die. Her mother has been kept alive through a mixture of science, money and machines. Her time is up, the debt needs to be paid. A soul needs to pass on in place of that girls and it's her mother who is paying the price. She did say to take her instead right?"

The smug look on Gray's face made Natsu want to punch him. Stupid Gray and his stupid rules. The idiot acted so high and mighty, ugly fucker he was.

"So she is only dying because I gave her daughter back?"

"Yep. All actions have consequences. It's about time you learned that. Maybe you might see the child you saved, while you take her mother away from her."

Natsu reached out to strangle Gray, only to be met with air. That smug, annoying arsehole!

He could feel himself dissolving and before he knew it, he was standing inside the house he had seen so many times from the outside. He looked down at his list to see a name, fully written.

"Layla Heartfilia"

The room was large and lavish, but that wasn't what caught his eye. It was the soul, standing next to the bed in the centre of the room. Standing and watching on as he daughter cried over her corpse. The girl he saved, now left without her mother. Left alone to cry over a body. An empty vessel.

The ache in Natsu's chest grew and he felt as though he had a lump in his throat that he could never swallow. He had thought that the emotions of others couldn't effect him anymore. This was different though. He had a direct part in this and he knew being here, was part of his punishment. To show him why some rules should not be broken.

This was the fallout of his actions. The consequences of mercy and the reason why death must always stay neutral in matters of the human world. The restoration of balance and the tilting of the scales. If a life is spared, another life must be taken. Nothing can be saved without something of equal or more value being sacrificed.

What is the true price of a human soul?

* * *

Thankyou to anyone who took the time to read this and I really hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think!

Lots of love and well wishes to all of you!


	2. Chapter 2

_**This was the fallout of his actions. The consequences of mercy and the reason why death must always stay neutral in matters of the human world. The restoration of balance and the tilting of the scales. If a life is spared, another life must be taken. Nothing can be saved without something of equal or more value being sacrificed. **_

_**What is the true price of a human soul?**_

* * *

Natsu willed himself to move forward, not drag this out longer then necessary. How could he possibly apologize to the soul he was about to take? The slow death she had endured for years without him even knowing.

She was standing so calmly, watching her daughter with such a gentle expression as she sobbed over her mothers death. He could feel himself shaking as he walked toward them, his feet not making a sound as they touched the marble floor below them.

His hands clenched at his sides, his chest feeling heavy with remorse and his head pounding. If he had a heart he was sure this would be a moment that would make it beat quickly. If he had a soul this would be a moment to tarnish it forever. If he were human, he might have cried in this moment.

Instead he just forced his feet forward as the lump in his throat grew. He wished he could choke on it.

My fault. This is all my fault. I am so sorry.

It felt like an eternity before he reached her, he cleared his throat to speak. Not noticing that Lucy seemed to hold her breath and stiffen when he done so.

"It's time to go now Layla. My name is Natsu and I am here to take you where you need to be." He spoke softly, reaching his hand out to touch her shoulder.

"I don't care who you are. You are not taking my mothers body anywhere."

If Natsu could see himself, he would realize that his face had turned white and his eyes had widened in shock as Lucy stood from where she was sitting and placed herself between him and her mother's body.

He cheeks were streaked with tears and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot but she wore a scowl and her expression was wild and angry.

Natsu was lost for words. Was this another punishment for him? Another consequence for returning a soul to a body? She could see him all this time?

"You have been watching me my whole life. Who are you? Some sort of pervert or something?" She shouted at him. Her mothers soul standing silently beside her.

Natsu cleared his throat again. He needed to get this done. He didn't know how much more he could take.

"I am Natsu, it is my job to guide souls to the afterlife." He spoke as softly as he could. He knew his voice was rough most of the time but he tried his best to make it soothing. Gentle.

"Well you're out of luck. My mother's soul isn't here anymore, just her body." As Lucy spoke she took her eyes off him and turned to look at the bed and her mothers still form laying in it.

Layla looked at him with a soft expression. "I've been trying to comfort her, but she doesn't even know I am here."

So, she could see him but couldn't see souls. That was interesting.

"You're mother's soul is here. You just can't see her. You were not even meant to see me and for that I am sorry." I am sorry for so much more than just that. "If you want to say goodbye or hear anything she needs to say to you before we go, please feel free. I will tell you whatever she says back."

He was expecting an argument, but received none. Instead Lucy collapsed at his feet on her knees, grabbed the leg of his pants and looked at him with begging, tear filled eyes.

"Please don't take her. Please give her back. She is all I have. I need her." The tears ran freely down her cheeks and hit the floor. All she has? Her mother is all she has?

Natsu stood silently for a moment, he contemplated breaking the rules again. Would it fix what he had broken if he did? He didn't care about the punishment, he deserved it as far as he was concerned... but... if he did what Lucy asked of him, balance would need to be restored some how- and the only way to do that would be if Lucy. No. He wouldn't break the rules again, he wouldn't risk it. Not a second time.

"I am sorry, I have no choice. It will be okay." He knelt down next to her and put his hand on her back. He didn't know why, it just felt like the right thing to do. She threw her arms around him and knocked him off balance, burying her face into his chest. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt but he didn't move. He cautiously placed an arm around her and held her while she sobbed.

"Please take care of my mum. Please tell her I love her and I will miss her. Make sure she knows what she means to me please. Please make sure she knows." Lucy sobbed, her face and his chest both damp with tears. She felt so warm and soft against him. Just like her soul did when he first held it. He didn't know why he was able to touch her or why she could see and touch him. He didn't really care. It felt warm. It felt nice. Even if the moment was horrible, and she was crying into him. This was the first hug he had been given, was it really so wrong to want this moment committed to his memory forever?

"She can hear you. She is standing right next to us." Natsu whispered, looking at Layla to see if she wanted him to tell Lucy anything. Lucy let go of Natsu and looked around the room frantically before standing up and wiping her face on her sleeve.

"Tell her that I know she loves me, and that I love her too. Tell her she will never be alone and that I will be watching her from the sky always. Please tell her that." The soul whispered.

"Your mum said that she knows you love her. She loves you and she will be watching you from the sky. Always. You won't be alone." He looked at Lucy and she nodded.

"I'm going to miss her."

"I know. You will be okay. I really am sorry, truly." For more than you could possibly understand. For the fact that this is all my fault. I'm sorry I couldn't take your tears and pain away. I am so sorry Lucy.

"We need to go now, we have already been a lot longer than we were meant to." Natsu reached his hand out to Layla, who took it straight away a soft smile on her face as she took one last look at her daughter before the room around them vanished. Leaving a still crying Lucy, completely alone with her mothers body.

* * *

"Thankyou. For telling her what I said. I know you said she was not meant to be able to see you but I am glad she did, so I could tell her I loved her one last time." Layla walked beside him, her hand felt so small in his own.

"It was the least I could do. I am so sorry Layla I really am." He had to apologize for what he had done, even if she didn't forgive him. He just needed to say he was sorry.

"What are you sorry for? You didn't do anything wrong." She looked at him with a smile. She didn't understand. "I have a question for you actually. When Lucy was born, she was born dead. Everybody gave up on her and said there was nothing they could do. It was so sudden when she came back, she just started crying in my arms. Everyone called it a miracle and nobody could explain it. Do you know what could have happened?"

Natsu stopped walking and looked at her. Should he tell her the full truth of his actions? She had the right to know, but did he have the courage to tell her?

"You asked for my help." He replied in a horse voice, like the words didn't want to come out.

"What do you mean?" Layla looked confused, standing next to him. Neither taking another step forward.

"When I was holding her soul, you were clutching her body and crying. I was about to walk away but then you looked right at me and begged for someone to help you... to give her back to you. You didn't realize I was there, but I was and you were looking right at me. So I broke the rules and gave her back to you." While he spoke Layla stood silently, tears building in her eyes. The moment he stopped she pulled him into a hug.

This hug was different to the one before. Lucy's hug felt like if he let go of her she would vanish into darkness. This hug felt comforting. Is this what it felt like to be hugged by your mum? Natsu didn't have a mum himself, but if he did he imagined her hugs would have felt something like this.

"Thankyou. I can never possibly repay you for what you did. If there is anything at all that I can do for you, even now. Ask and I will make it so." She pulled away from the hug and looked at him, a soft look filled with affection and gratitude.

"Forgiveness. Please. I want your forgiveness." His tone sounded desperate but his words were completely true. All he wanted was to be forgiven. He didn't want to live forever, carrying the burden of someone's death on his shoulders.

"What for?"

"The day I gave your daughter back to you, I broke the rules. I threw off the balance of the world and for balance to be restored... you had to die. I didn't know this would happen and I am so sorry. If you can bring yourself to, please forgive me." He contemplated falling to his knees and begging but decided that was to pathetic, even for him.

"So, you're telling me that you seen me begging to take me instead of my daughter. You then gave her back to me and gave me over a decade with her. Years where I could watch her grow up, take her first steps, say her first words and turn into a beautiful young lady. Years that I would never have had with her, if you hadn't of done what you did. And you want forgiveness for that?" Natsu nodded. "There is nothing for me to forgive. What you done for me, I can never possibly thank you enough. I am so grateful to you. If you want my forgiveness, consider it yours. You did nothing wrong to me in the first place. You gave me everything." Layla placed a hand on his cheek and Natsu felt the weight on his shoulders drain away.

She was happy, that he did what he done. She didn't think he made some awful mistake. He wished he could have known this woman better. She was kind and warm.

"You're mum must be so proud to have a son like you, someone so kind and compassionate. She is really lucky."

Natsu started walking again with Layla beside him. The light surrounding them glowed and sparkled and twinkled all at once.

"I don't have a mum. I am death, death is not born so we don't have parents."

"I'm sorry. Well if I was your mum, I'd be very proud of you. If it were possible I would tell you to marry Lucy just so you could be my son." Layla giggled. "How old are you anyway Natsu?"

Natsu ignored the first part of what she said in favour of answering the question and steering clear of an awkward topic for him. Death couldn't get married. It was impossible for him.

"I have existed for over fifteen years. Almost sixteen."

"Really? Lucy is fifteen herself so that means you must have only been a baby yourself when she was born!" Layla's eyes widened and her mouth hung open.

"I came into existence as I am now. We don't age or grow from the moment we start existing." Natsu wasn't use to being asked so many questions about himself. It was kind of nice, almost as though somebody cared about him.

They arrived at the wall, the wall that Layla would pass through.

"I guess this is where I have to go right?" She smiled at him.

"Yeah" he smiled back at her. It was nice having someone to talk to while it lasted.

"I know you have done so much for me already, but before I go I have one last favour to ask of you."

"What is it?"

"Lucy wasn't lying when she said I was all she had. After I got sick her father blamed her and treated her terribly. I fear that with me gone he will sell her off to a husband just to get rid of her, or that he will isolate her completely. Please watch over her for me. Be her friend, so she won't be alone. Keep her safe and be there for her. I know it's a lot to ask but-"

"I'll do it." Natsu interrupted. He had been watching over her for years already. He wanted her to be happy. Layla beamed at him, he had never seen anyone look at him with such joy before.

"Promise?" Natsu had never made a promise before. He knew it was something important and not to be taken light heartedly.

"I promise."

"Thankyou Natsu." She pulled him into a quick hug. "Goodbye, tell Lucy I love her. I put money away for her so if worst comes to worst she can leave the house. She doesn't have to put up with him if she does not want to, please make sure she knows that... and help guide her along the way."

Layla turned away from him and walked into the void ahead. A peaceful expression on her face. In that moment Natsu felt like he really had done a good thing. He had helped her, and he would help Lucy too.

Everything dissolved around him and he was once again in the room he was before. He didn't know what the room was called, he just knew it was now empty. He knew where Lucy would be, in her room. He just needed to get outside to find her window, it would be easy enough to get through it.

* * *

Within minutes he was standing inside her room, right next to the window. Lucy was laying on her bed, clutching her chest and crying. He walked toward her slowly, he needed her to like him. To want him around. He made a promise, he intended to keep it.

"Why did you come back?" Lucy started to sit up and look at him. She must have heard him enter. How? Well he wasn't too sure. Her voice sounded weak and broken, like she was falling apart from the inside out.

"I promised your mum that you wouldn't be alone. That I would be here to watch over you. She told me to tell you that she loves you." He decided to leave out the rest for now. She had been overwhelmed enough as it was, she didn't need to know all the details. Not yet.

"I don't want to be alone... are you even allowed to be here? Aren't you the grim reaper or something?" She was wiping her eyes with her sleeves and in between her words were little hiccups, but at least the tears had stopped.

"Hey! That's called stereotyping and its not nice ya know? Do I look like I wear a cloak and carry a weapon?" Truthfully he didn't know what he looked like, but he was certain he didn't wear a cloak or carry any sort of sharp object. He didn't want to scare people, it was just an occupational hazard sometimes. As for if he was allowed to be there, probably not. It wouldn't stop him, this was his existence. He could spend it how he pleased during his free time.

"No you don't. What should I call you then? If you aren't the grim reaper what are you?" Lucy let out a small laugh. She had a really pretty laugh, even if it sounded sad.

"You can call me Natsu, it is my name after all. I am a personification of death, I don't cause death nor do I have any say in who dies and who doesn't. I just collect the souls and help them find their way so they don't get lost and end up where they are not supposed to be." He stood in front of her awkwardly. He was unsure where to stand or how to be.

"Well, thankyou Natsu. For today I mean. I'm glad it was you who took mum wherever she had to go."

"You're welcome Lucy. How are you feeling anyway?"

"Like I need a hug and my mum." The tears came back to her eyes all over again and traced their path along her cheeks. "I'm such an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, you're human. I can't bring your mum back, but if you don't mind it being me I can give you that hug?" That was all it took for Lucy to grab his shirt and drag him to sit next to her on the bed.

It was awkward at first, she just hugged into his side and he wrapped an arm around her feeling unsure of what to say or do to make it better. Eventually however, she ended up cradled in his arms with her legs across him. She cried in his arms until she fell asleep and he just sat there holding her, silently, just being there.

When she fell asleep he tucked her into bed and left. He would be back to check on her tomorrow, that much he knew. He would keep his promise to her mother and be her friend. He would be her comfort and make sure she wasn't alone no matter what anyone had to say about it.

Rules be damned.

* * *

A/N

Well there is the second chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it! Please let me know what you think! I love reading reviews and messages from anyone who reads anything that I write, it truly does make my day!

A massive thankyou to anyone who has reviewed so far (although I wouldn't know because I wrote this chapter before I have even posted the first one)

Lots of love and well wishes to all of you!


	3. Chapter 3

_When she fell asleep he tucked her into bed and left. He would be back to check on her tomorrow, that much he knew. He would keep his promise to her mother and be her friend. He would be her comfort and make sure she wasn't alone no matter what anyone had to say about it._

_Rules be damned._

* * *

Natsu sat in the shade of a Sakura tree, the park around him was rich with life as families played and couples walked together. Since he had to still deal with a death yesterday, it didn't count as a day off. So here he was, day off part two. Occasionally a dog would bark at him and their owner would scold them for barking at nothing. He found it mildly entertaining, that some animals could see him while others couldn't.

There were so many things about the world that he didn't understand. It was probably a fair trade, the human world didn't understand death and death did not understand the human world in its entirety. He did have an advantage over them though, he had an eternity to find out whatever he wanted to know. They had a limited amount of time and could only ever find out about him once that time was up.

Natsu stood up and stretched his arms out in front of him. Time to go see Lucy, surely she would be awake by now. He popped into her room, only to find it empty. Well... he did have to get to know her better in order to be her friend right? What better way to get to know someone than to snoop through there things while they weren't around?

She had a large bed in the centre of the room, with draws on each side and a photo on top of the right side draws. She had a desk in the corner on the far side from the window. A full length mirror, a book shelf and other than that, nothing. The room looked surprisingly bare.

The books all looked boring as hell, not that he could actually touch any of them or even pick them up to find out. Her desk however contained a stack of papers, all kept neatly and a sketch book, opened at a particular page. His curiosity got the better of him so he blew lightly on the pages to make them move. They were good drawings, some only half finished and others completed to the smallest details. Some were of her mother, some were of her father and others were what looked to be different places. Natsu didn't recognize any of them. He stopped when he got to a page that contained a drawing of a boy. He had pink spiked hair and dark eyes. He looked pretty sad in the drawings but Natsu didn't particularly care about that.

That boy was at his spot on Lucy's window. The nerve of him. Natsu had been there many times and had never seen another person and besides... it was HIS spot. If this guy was Lucy's boyfriend then he needed to learn his place and his place was NOT in Natsu's spot on her window.

He didn't have much in the world. Actually that was a lie, he didn't have anything that he could call his own. The clothes on his back were the only exception, and if a human were to wear them they would look naked. That spot was one of the only things he could say were his, stupid pinky McSpiky head was not going to take that away from him.

Natsu slammed the book shut with a single breath then layed on Lucy's bed, it was pretty comfortable so he was fine to just wait there. He was use to being alone so it didn't bother him, just laying there and thinking.

"What are you doing in my room?" Natsu looked up to see Lucy standing in front of him, not looking very pleased to see him. He sat up and smiled at her, better to just pretend she was happy to see him. Then maybe she wouldn't be grumpy.

"Waiting for you weirdo, what else would I be doing?"

"What if someone came in my room and seen you, idiot! I can not risk getting in trouble for having some random guy in my room!" Lucy's voice was a harsh whisper. "Also, how am I weird? You are the one sitting in a random girls room!"

"Ahhh, don't you remember at all? You are the only one who can see me Lucy. If anyone walked in, even now. All they'd see is you scolding a mattress. Weirdo." Natsu grinned at her and she shook her head... still, he could swear she had the smallest smile on her face.

"You know you're an idiot right?"

"I may have been told that once or twice."

Lucy layed on the bed next to him, it was large enough for there to still be a large gap between them. "Ya know, you are nothing like how I would picture an angel of death."

"What the hell is an angel of death?" Natsu rolled his eyes. Could nobody understand. He was death. That was all, why did he need some fancy name? Why couldn't he just be Natsu.

"Well you said you didn't like being called the grim reaper so I looked up other personified versions of death. Angel of death seemed the most fitting for you. You have a very youthful and kind face and you float outside my window so it's not exactly a long shot." Lucy shrugged.

"You think I'm kind?" He was surprised. He had been called many things before. Kind was not exactly on the top of that list.

"Well yeah, you have been nothing but kind to me since I met you." She furrowed her brows and looked at him as though her response should be obvious.

Natsu coughed. "Well, thanks. It's not every day I get a compliment."

"You're welcome." Lucy beamed at him.

* * *

Natsu walked up to her with a heavy feeling in his chest. She looked so small, her face hidden by her pillow and her body shaking. He sat next to her but not too close. He knew he hadn't been around for a few days but he didn't expect to come back and for her to be so sad. How long had she been crying? He hoped not too long.

"What's the matter Lucy?"

"Everything". Her voice sounded defeated but she moved the pillow away from her face to reveal tear stained cheeks and red eyes.

"Ya wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help?" He layed on his side facing her but she just stared at the ceiling.

"Just my luck. The only person who would be willing to help me is also the only one who can't do anything no matter how much he wants to". She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Come on you don't know that, there might be something I can do if you talk to me about it". He poked her cheek and she swatted his hand away.

"Its stupid, it shouldn't matter". She shook her head, her eyes were still red but at least she wasn't crying anymore.

"If it matters to you, it matters to me too". He noticed her side fringe was sticking to her forehead so he pushed it back. Crying into a pillow apparently caused your whole face to get wet. It wasn't particularly interesting information but he still felt as though he had learned something.

"It's just people at school. I don't have any friends and they are all cruel to me. I always feel so lonely there. Like nobody cares about me. Today one of the meaner boys stuck gum in my hair and now look! It's so short and I look hideous! I begged daddy not to make me cut it but he insisted that a real lady would never want the germs the gum left behind even if I did get it all out!" She put the pillow back over her face and sobbed again.

Natsu hadn't even realized that her hair was different, she was still Lucy after all. He stayed quiet for a moment contemplating what to say before her spoke again.

"Ya know Lucy, if you really feel that lonely at school I could go with you? I know it's not the same as having actual friends at the school and that you won't be able to talk to me in class or anything but you won't be alone anymore. As for your hair, I didn't even notice it was cut. You still look as beautiful as you always do, aside from the red puffy face and all".

She peaked out from under the pillow and looked at him with wide eyes.

"You'd really do that for me?"

"Well yeah? I'm not good at this whole 'friends' thing but isn't that the sort of thing friends do for each other?"

She smiled softly at him before hugging her head to his chest and he placed a protective arm over her. If anyone walked in it would probably make a strange picture but for them, being like this was as natural as breathing. Neither knew that they were the ones occupying each others thoughts.

Lucy was thinking about the fact that Natsu called her beautiful. She had never been called beautiful by a boy before, but because it was him it felt nice.

Natsu was thinking about the fact that Lucy had called him a person. He had never been called a person before. Still, it felt nice to be acknowledged as though he could ever just be normal. That Lucy thought of him as her equal, as a person.

* * *

"How much?"

Natsu groaned. He hated taking the souls of business men or women. They always tried to bargain. Some offered money, others offered sex. As if death could be so easily swayed.

"How much what?" He should have known better than to humour the man, but it was a slow death day and Lucy was at school so he had time to kill. Lots and lots of time.

"Anything you want, I am a wealthy man. I can give you a house or car or enough money to by both. Everyone has a price, what's yours?" The man grinned at him and cocked an eyebrow.

"Sir, that may work on the living. I however, have no need for material possessions of any kind". Formal and cold. He had learned to be this way. Some people needed a warm approach and others needed a firm hand. This guy was clearly the later.

"Come on man, there must be something that you want. Something that you need".

Natsu's thoughts flashed with blond hair, brown eyes and a bright smile but he shook them away just as quickly. "Nothing. Death doesn't want or need anything". Then he walked forward in silence, contemplating why he had thought of anything in that moment. He had been asked a million times what he wanted, the answer had always been nothing because he knew better. Sure there were lots of things he would have liked to have. He had always known better than to actually truly want them. Wanting for things caused nothing but longing and pain.

Still, there was one thing he wanted in that he wanted. Truly wanted, was to keep the only promise he had ever made. To make sure Lucy was never lonely. To be her friend.

He finished the job just as he always did. Watching the soul pass through the barrier that he would never touch then taking out his pen and crossing out their name, watching in vanish right after. Job, done.

* * *

Natsu sat with his legs hanging over the edge of the building. The sun had already set and the stars lit up the sky like the flame of a small candle lit a room... Terribly. For flaming balls of gas they did a shit job and if it was up to them to keep things bright all the time, the world would be submerge in almost complete darkness.

He had never really understood why stars were so loved by humans. What was so special about them? The just floated around in space and done absolutely nothing. The didn't even look that pretty. Sure they were okay and all, but definitely overrated.

He looked below him and noticed that even though it was getting late, the streets remained busy. Filled with life one might say. His eyes focused on a couple who were sharing an ice cream- he assumed they were a couple based on their willingness to share saliva. They could just be really close friends but that didn't seem right, do close friends share food that way? It seemed a little unsanitary but who was he to judge? Friendship wasn't really his area of expertise.

He could hear footsteps that sounded like they were approaching him. Probably another personification. Regular humans had no way to get up here. Maybe if he ignored them they would go away?

"Hey Natsu, what ya doing?" The voice was female, bubbly, high pitched and happy. Lisanna. Natsu groaned and rolled his eyes.

"What do you want?" Natsu didn't look at her. She was far too happy all the time. Sure she was really nice and he liked her, but he was not in the mood for her joyfulness.

"You could at least pretend to be happy to see me you know?" She sat next to him with her legs crossed and looked at him.

"Yeah but I'm not a very good liar so you probably wouldn't believe me anyway." He shrugged, looking at the couple who were now arguing. He scoffed to himself. Human emotions were so weird, one minute they were happy and they next they were angry.

"I suppose you're right" Lisanna shrugged her shoulders and looked away from him and to the hustle and bustle below, her smile still plastered to her face. "You know, rumour has it that you found a human that can see you."

"Where did you hear that?" Natsu scoffed. "They should mind their own business. As long as I do my job, what I do in my free time is nobodies business but mine."

"Bixlow, you know I don't get it. You choose to be so miserable and sarcastic all the time. It's like you don't want to be happy."

"I should have guessed it would have been him. Well I don't get how you can be so happy all the time. We are not even alive, we exist and that's it. How can you be happy with that?"

"Existing isn't so bad you know? You can find lots of things that make it great! You're still young, it's expected that you still have lots to learn. Learn it all and find something you love."

"Like how you found Bixlow? No thanks." Natsu shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"What's so bad about finding a partner? Someone to make your existence less lonely huh? Besides that wasn't even what I was talking about. You could always try making friends?"

"You mean we are not friends?" Natsu put his hand to his heart "Lisanna, you wound me so!" Natsu spoke sarcastically before laughing.

"Stop trying to change the subject!"

"Oh busted, you really are a genius in your field."

Lisanna glared at Natsu with crossed arms and a fake serious expression and shook her head.

"Well that human girl sure is going to have a hard time trying to be your friend that's for sure."

"Nah, I actually like _her_".

"You will like me plenty when you realise that I am the only ally you have. Everyone else thinks you are an idiot and that you shouldn't be allowed to see her at all. I am the only one who thinks it could be a good idea. When all this comes to a head and you realise that I am the only thing standing between you and the possibility of never seeing her again, you will be kissing me feet with gratitude."

Lisanna jumped to the pavement, leaving Natsu feeling rather alone. Normally he liked being alone, now? Not so much.

* * *

Lucy was sleeping when Natsu climbed through her window. Not surprising really, he didn't know the exact time but by human standards it was probably pretty late. It still left him in a confusing situation. On one hand, he could leave now and she would never even know he had been there. No harm done. On the other hand though, the bed looked really comfortable and he had nothing better to do. He was meant to go to school with her in the morning, how would he know where it was or even the time if he didn't stay?

With his mind made up he crawled into bed next to her, carefully not to touch or wake her. He couldn't pull the blankets over himself, but he didn't need to. So he closed his eyes and imagined. He let his thoughts consume him and his imagination run wild. He couldn't dream, but he could pretend to and that was better than nothing right?

He felt Lucy moving throughout the night so he thought nothing of it when she moved again until it was too late.

"What are you doing in my bed!" He opened his eyes but before he could answer she had grabbed his arm and pulled him onto the floor. It didn't hurt or anything, but her outburst shocked him.

"It looked comfortable?" He stretched his arms in front of him and stood up from the floor expecting to see Lucy smiling at him, only she wasn't. She looked mad.

"If you wanted to be comfortable you should be comfortable in your own bed! What if someone walked in and seen me in bed with a guy?" She shouted and crossed her arms.

"You are still the only person who can even see me last I checked and I don't even have a bed!" He didn't know why he was shouting, but she was shouting and it made him want to shout too.

"Well it's easy to forget that I am the only one who can see you okay! Buy your own bed! You have a job, surely you have some sort of special shop you can go to and buy things!"

"Why would I buy a bed when I don't even have a house? Where the hell would I put it?" He liked shouting, it felt good for some reason. Like a release of tension.

Lucy froze for a second and her expression changed. It turned softer somehow. Like the anger just vanished.

"Natsu, do you own anything besides what you have with you right now?" He didn't like the way she was looking at him, it made him feel uneasy because he didn't know what it meant. Besides, he wasn't done with shouting yet. He was just starting to get the hang of it. Then a thought occurred to him.

"Yes actually!" He shouted before pointing at her window or more specifically, the ledge attached to it.

"You own my window?"

"No! I own that spot! It's my spot. Or it was before some other guy took it! Tell him he can't take it, it's my spot!" Natsu clenched his fist, it just felt like the right thing to do. He had never had a "human" argument before. It was different some how.

"Calm down idiot! I stopped shouting so you can too! And what other guy was at my window! That's creepy! You should have told me about it!"

"I thought you knew considering you drew him! And don't call me an idiot. How would you like it if I called you names!"

Rather than answering him Lucy walked over to her desk and started going through her notebook. Natsu walked up behind her and watched as she flipped through the pages until she came to the page with a young boy staring through the window.

"That's him! That's the spot thief." Natsu glared at the drawing as though he could set it on fire if he looked hard enough.

"This is the guy you were talking about?" Lucy looked at him with an amused expression.

"Yes! He took my spot and I want it back!"

Lucy responded by slapping him in the back of the head.

"Do you seriously not even know what you look like, and why were you going through my things!"

"How could I! I don't have a reflection! And I was bored, it's not like I could actually touch any of it!" Natsu was getting sick of shouting now. He just wanted it to stop. It got old quick.

Lucy held the page in full view of him and pointed at the drawing.

"This is a drawing of you! This is what you look like dummy."

Natsu looked at the drawing, then back at Lucy a couple of times.

She drew a picture of him.

"Really?"

"Yes, I thought you were a figment of my imagination at the time because there is no way anyone could climb up to my window on their own. It's a drawing of you".

Natsu coughed, feeling kind of stupid. Maybe Lucy was onto something when she called him an idiot after all.

"Well, are we going to school today or not?" He looked around her room trying to avoid eye contact.

"You're really going to come to school with me?"

"I said I would didn't I? I can't promise that I won't disappear randomly but I can assure you I will come back as soon as I can and-"

Lucy nearly knocked him over with the force of her hug. Her head was buried against his chest and her arms were around his neck.

"Thank you Natsu."

"You're welcome Lucy."

* * *

The first thing that Natsu noticed as they walked through the school gates was how much bigger it was than he expected. The second was all the mean stares directed at Lucy. It seemed like everyone they passed had a new version of the same cruel look.

He looked at Lucy beside him and noticed how different she was. Her shoulders were slumped forward as she clutched her books to her chest and looked at the ground. He didn't know what to do so he just put his arm around her shoulder, if she didn't want it there she would just shrug him off anyway. Instead she leaned slightly into him.

"You know, since none of these arseholes can see me, I can run a muck without any of them even knowing."

Lucy visibly perked up slightly. A small smile finding its way onto her lips "That might be fun."

"Shhh, don't talk to me or people will think you're crazy." Natsu joked

"Probably. But I don't need to care what they think anymore."

"That's the spirit! You hear that arse wipes! Lucy doesn't care what you think!" He put his hands around his mouth and shouted.

Lucy laughed and pushed him. She probably looked rather strange to anyone watching. If she didn't care then neither would he.

A noise went off through the halls and Lucy informed him that it meant it was time for class to start. It was called math apparently. Natsu had heard of it and knew a little about it.

He knew how to count and basic things like that, they were required for his job after all. Counting the amount of people who die in a day and things like that. However everything else just sounded stupid to him. Who's idea was it to mix numbers and letters anyway?

Lucy pulled out her chair and sat down at a desk clearly meant for two people. Nobody sat next to her. Natsu wondered if anybody ever did.

He sat on the desk next to her books and watched her write, tuning out most of what the plump woman at the front of the room was talking about.

"I can see why you hate it so much here, it's boring as hell!"

"That's not why I hate it." Lucy whispered, not taking her eyes away from her book.

"Yeah, the people suck to. Such snobs." Natsu crinkled his nose.

The teacher walked out of the room. Natsu didn't listen to the reason why, he didn't really listen to anything she said if he could help it. Besides, his attention was solely focused on the girl standing in front of him and Lucy with her hands on her hips.

"You're really annoying you know that right?" Natsu thought her voice resembled nails on a chalkboard. A noise he hadn't heard until the teacher done it earlier. It was awful but her voice was some how more annoying.

"Okay." Lucy responded, not even looking at the girl.

"Nobody wants you here."

"Brilliant observation. Ten out of ten." Natsu snorted at Lucy's bluntness.

"Why don't you just leave. Nobody likes you, even your mum died just to get away from you."

"Hey! That's not right!" Natsu shouted despite nobody being able to hear him. "Don't listen to her Lucy!"

"Don't worry, I'm not." Lucy said to Natsu but the girl in front her must have thought Lucy was talking to her.

"You're not what? Leaving? Well then why don't you go and join your mummy?" The girl grinned viciously.

"Why don't you?" Lucy spat back. "Or don't, truthfully I don't care what you do. Just do it away from me." Lucy started packing her books away and stood up when Natsu grabbed her arm.

"Don't walk away Lucy. Stay where you are. She wants you to leave, don't give her the satisfaction. I'm going to pay her back for you okay?"

Lucy nodded and sat back down just as the plump lady walked back into the room and the girl walked back to her desk.

Natsu was limited on his options. That wouldn't stop him from getting revenge. He couldn't move things with his hands, but he could blow them and make it look as though a gust of wind did it. He started with her chair, right as she was about to sit down. She fell straight to the ground with a loud thump. Then he blew her paper out the window. She spent the rest of that class outside searching for it.

Another sound rang through the room and Lucy stood up and gestured to him to follow her, as soon as they were out of sight she started laughing.

"That was great! How did you do that? I thought you couldn't touch anything!"

"I can't touch anything, nobody is meant to know I even exist and being able to touch things is kinda a liability."

"Then how do you explain that?"

"The wind did it." Natsu shrugged

Lucy hugged him for the second time that day.

"You're the best friend I have ever had." She whispered into his chest.

He put his hand on the back of her head, not really sure about his actions but he had seen people do this action before. "You're the only friend I have ever had."

He felt the familiar sensation of evaporating into thin air. He had never hated his job more, because he meant he had to leave Lucy alone.

"Someone just died, I will see you as soon as I am done." He whispered right before he vanished from her sight completely.

* * *

It was night time when Natsu was finally finished. Every time he finished building some, someone else needed him. Finally he was finished.

He could always just appear in Lucy's room, but he enjoyed climbing through her window. It startled her less that way. When he was finally through she looked at him with a grin plastered to her face.

"Why are you acting so weird?"

"I have a surprise for you." She smiled and clapped her hands together.

"I've never had a surprise before." He eyes her cautiously while walking toward her.

"Don't look so worried! You will like it." She hopped off her bed and grabbed his hand.

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Oh shoosh. Don't ruin it." She started walking with him back to her window before pointing at the ledge attached to it.

'Natsu's spot' Now deeply engraved into the wood. It was the first time he had seen his name written on something.

"You did this, for me?" He looked at Lucy who was smiling at him and fiddling with her hands.

"Well yeah. You said you liked that spot and thought of it as your spot, now its officially yours and you never have to worry about anyone taking it... Do you like it?"

"I've never gotten a present from anyone before, I don't really know what to do or say." He rubbed his fingers across the wood and felt his name.

"Well normally when receiving a present from someone you say thank you and tell then if you like it. Then you can shake their hand or hug them depending on your relationship with them." The smile was gone from Lucy's face and she was watching him nervously.

"Thank you. I like it, love it actually. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before. I've never officially owned something that wasn't a part of my job before." Natsu put one arm around her and pulled her to his side and traced over the carving on his spot with his free hand. "You wanna know something?" He asked absent-mindedly.

"Yeah"

"I didn't know what warmth really felt like until I met you. I don't feel cold or warm, Soul's don't feel cold or warm and humans normally can't touch me at all. But you... You feel like what I always imagined would be like." He tightened his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

_'You make me feel almost alive'._

* * *

A/N

The third chapter of this story is now done! Thank You to everyone who takes the time to read the stories I write

I honestly can not put into words how much it means to me every time I see a new person has followed or favorites or reviewed or even sent me a private message! It truly does keep me motivated to write and create something that will make the people who read it happy!

This story might take a little longer than In fire and Starlight but that is mainly due to the chapters being longer and I will try to update more frequently!

As always, lots of love and well wishes to all of you! Xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Trigger warning: this fic by nature contains scenes of sometimes rather graphic deaths of all kinds. This will be my final trigger warning for this matter. I will however add trigger warnings on anything that I think may need one that isn't death related in the future. **

**I hope you all enjoy reading**

* * *

_"I didn't know what warmth really felt like until I met you. I don't feel cold or warm, Soul's don't feel cold or warm and humans normally can't touch me at all. But you... You feel like what I always imagined would be like." He tightened his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. _

_'You make me feel almost alive'._

* * *

Natsu stared intensely at the small spot on the wall as he sat with his legs crossed in the corner of the room. He found it mildly entertaining that even in a room as pristine and tidy as Lucy's, it still had imperfections. If he were smarter he would probably be able to come up with some sort of analogy about nothing being perfect or something along those lines. Truthfully he didn't really care enough to do that. The spot was black, but not just a single shade of black. It was at least three different shades.

He was bored out of his mind. He knew that he experienced time differently to human beings but even he shouldn't be expected to be able to entertain himself with a black spot on the wall in the corner of a room.

"Lucy, are you finished getting dressed yet?" He folded his arms across his chest, feeling rather childish having to sit like this.

"Almost, just be patient would you?" She answered and he heard what he assumed was yet another article of clothing hitting the ground.

"I don't get what is taking you so long, just put your uniform on and be done with it." He looked down as he twiddled his thumbs together.

"I already told you, it's casual dress day at school. I'm done now anyway, you can turn around."

Natsu turned to see the outfit that Lucy picked. It was a blue dress with white flowers. On anyone else he would say it just looked boring, on Lucy however it looked rather pretty.

"Great, now we can go to school." He grinned and grabbed her hand to leave against her protest.

"Natsu I haven't even finished my hair." Lucy grumbled as they walked out of the house and onto the sidewalk.

"You look great, come on you are going to be late."

"If you hadn't of dragged me out of the house I could have asked my driver to drive us. Now we have to walk thanks to you." Lucy yanked her hand out of his grasp and folded her arms across her chest.

"I hate going with your driver! You never talk to me on the drive and the other kids are always meaner to you on the day's you get driven."

Lucy looked like she was about to say something before she stopped and nodded her head.

"You do have a point. Still, try not to be so rough next time you drag me okay? You near pulled my arm out of the socket."

Natsu smiled at her and rolled his eyes.

"You are so dramatic."

As they walked through the gates he noticed a few people giving Lucy harsh looks. He also noticed that Lucy seemed less and less fazed by it. Today was the first was the first day she had kept smiling without a single falter or moment where it looked like she might stop.

When the noise rang throughout the halls- which he now knew was called a bell- Lucy once again grabbed his hand and he felt the familiar warmth that he touch gave him as she dragged him to class. They sat at the back of the room, away from everyone else. He preferred it that way because it meant he could talk to Lucy and she could whisper her replies. If anyone looked at her it just looked like she was reading out loud, not talking to thin air.

"Natsu, when is your birthday?" The question was simple but still caught him of guard.

"I don't have one, why?"

"Well it's my birthday next week and it got me thinking that I don't know when your birthday is. How do you know how old you are if you don't have a birthday?" She looked up from her book to stare at him.

"I know when you're birthday is. Honestly, birthdays just aren't really important when you were never born in the first place. I'm not alive or anything so it's just irrelevant." He shrugged his shoulder and moved closer to her so he could read what she was reading. She always read books in class. She also always got good grades so the teachers never really bothered her about it. Natsu didn't think it was important enough to ask why.

"Well I think your birthday is important. I want to celebrate it with you." Lucy looked down sadly.

Natsu didn't bother mentioning that he kept track of how old he was based on her. He knew that he came into existence not too long before she was born, although the amount of time between those two events was fuzzy for him at best. He knew better than to tell her the truth of why she was alive.

"Natsu?"

"Mmm?" He hummed in response, half lost in his own thought.

"If I planned a day to celebrate your birthday, would you do it? Your my best friend. I think your life should be celebrated."

He didn't correct her on the fact that he was in fact, not alive. He just nodded his head. If it was important to Lucy, he would play along. It would at least shut her up about the whole "birthday" thing.

"Great, can you get a day of work this weekend?" She grinned at him and clapped her hands together.

"I already have the weekend off... and don't clap your hands like that in class, a few people are looking at you like a crazy person." Natsu nudged her and laughed.

"Noted." Lucy whispered before burying her head into her book once more.

* * *

Natsu couldn't help but feel a slight bit of pity for the soul standing in front of him. He thought he was starting to grow numb to the plight of humanity. Apparently not.

A small child. Why did so many have to have their lives ended early?

"My mummy and daddy are bad aren't they?" The little boy asked as he took Natsu's hand and walked with him.

"Yeah, they are very bad. You don't have to worry about them anymore though."

"I don't?" The child looked at him with wide eyes and a confused expression. Natsu realized that the child probably didn't even know he was dead.

"No, you are going somewhere far away from them." Natsu smiled at the little boy, hoping that his own kindness might make this a better experience.

"Where am I going?" The child halted walking and adopted a nervous pout upon his all too innocent face.

Natsu knelt down and held out his arms.

"I know change can be frightening, but sometimes change is good. You are going somewhere where you can be happy and feel all the love in the world. Somewhere far away from yelling and where pain is just a word. Would you like me to carry you?"

The little boy nodded and wrapped his tiny arms around Natsu's neck. Natsu wrapped one arm around the boys back and another under his leg to cradle him. He could still feel the child shaking like a leaf in an Autumn breeze.

"Don't be afraid, nobody can hurt you anymore." He whispered softly.

"Will you sing to me?"

"I'm not much of a singer sorry, but we can hum together if that would help?"

The little boy nodded his head and they both hummed the rest of the way, right up until the child walked through the veil. Still shaking violently. Natsu found himself wishing that he could have helped more. He also wished that he could somehow make the lump in his throat just go away.

* * *

"Natsu? Are you awake?" Lucy whispered.

"I'm always awake. What's up?" Natsu sat up from where he was laying at the foot of the bed. Lucy refused to let him lay next to her while she was sleeping but he didn't care too much. He was still allowed on the mattress at least.

Lucy moved her body so she was laying next to where he was sitting.

"I can't sleep either." She stretched her arms in front of her and toward the ceiling. " I was just thinking about my mum."

"Oh, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just wondering what she was doing where ever she is. If she can see me."

Natsu layed back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling with his arms behind his back.

"Natsu?"

"Yeah?" Natsu turned onto his side to face Lucy, still keeping one arm under his head.

"What happens to humans when we die? Don't sugar coat it or anything. I wanna know the truth." Lucy turned her body to face him completely and stared at him with wide eyes.

"You really wanna know the truth?"

Lucy nodded in response.

"The truth is after someone dies I take them on a walk. Its down a long hallway and at the end of that hallway is a wall of bright blue and purple light. They walk through the wall and I don't know what happens after that. Death doesn't have a place in the after life I guess."

Lucy stayed silent for a moment, looking rather deep in thought.

"When I was little my mum use to say that when we died, we became stars. Stars that would shine bright and watch over the people on earth. She use to say that us much as we watch they stars, they watch us too. Do you think she was right? About humans becoming stars I mean."

"I guess she could be. Like I said, I don't know what happens. It's a nice idea though."

"Yeah, I think I would make a pretty star. What do you think?"

"I think you'd make a great star Lucy."

Natsu stayed silent for a moment. Just thinking about Lucy. One day she would die, and she would leave him behind. He always knew that. Now the very thought of a world without her in it left a bad taste in his mouth. He decided to push those thoughts deep down within himself, he didn't want to think about a day where Lucy wouldn't be around anymore. So he wouldn't. He couldn't.

"Natsu?" She interrupted his thoughts with a tired whisper.

"Mmm?"

"How come you always watched me when you thought I couldn't see you?"

"Because I was curious about the life you would live."

"Why?"

Natsu contemplated answering her question and what he would say. He found that he didn't really want to tell her the answer. He didn't want her to feel as though she owed him something. He was saved from answering by the sound of her soft snores and felt a sense of relief wash over him. He found himself tracing the freckles on her arm, connecting them together with his finger as she slept.

It still such a strange sensation, being able to touch her. To be touched by her.

"Natsu."

Natsu nearly fell off the bed in shock at hearing a gruff male voice hissing his name. He looked around to find the source only to see Gajeel staring at him, arms crossed and looking extremely unimpressed. His many facial piercings shone with the light of the moon that came through the open window.

"What the fuck are you doing here! If Lucy wakes up and sees you she is going to have a heart attack, get the fuck out!" Though his words were filled with anger he hissed them as quietly as he could.

"Oh that's right, we don't know if she can see the rest of us or if it is just you. Maybe I could give her a shake and see if that works."

"Don't you touch her." Natsu snarled.

"You seemed to be doing a great job of that on your own, right?" Gajeel put his hands on his hips and glared at Natsu. "We need to talk."

"We really don't. Scram." Natsu put his head back to the mattress and closed his eyes when he felt something grabbing his ankle and dragging him off the bed and onto the floor.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me dumb arse. What do you think you are doing here anyway?" Gajeel spoke from above him.

"What I do in my free time is my choice. You wanna talk then find. Talk then leave. Natsu stood from his place on the floor and glared at Gajeel with annoyance.

"You do realize this-" Gajeel gestured with his hand from Natsu to Lucy. "-can only end in pain for both you and her right?"

"Yeah? How'd you figure that?"

"Well for starters she-" Gajeel pointed at Lucy as though he were accusing her of something "- is going to die one day. Like it or not, it's facts. Also what are you even planning to gain from... well whatever this is between the two of you."

"I know she is going to die one day dummy. That day won't be happening for a very long time... She is my friend. That's what's going on here. If that was all you had to say, leave."

"How can you possibly know she won't die for a long time. She could die tomorrow, then what? You gunna break the rules again?"

"Of course I won't." Natsu turned his head to look at the wall. He didn't fully understand what about the conversation was making him feel so negatively, but he knew that he was getting angry.

Gajeel paused before looking at him sadly, his expression sympathetic and almost filled with pity.

"You know kid, you could never give her the live she deserves."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You say you are her friend right? Well sometimes friendship turns into more, especially when it comes to humans. You don't have a whole lot of experience with emotions, but they tend to fall in love with people they are close with sometimes. You could never marry her, or meet her family or support her or give her children. All you could do is sit around watching her grow old while you stay the same. Then one day she will die, never having really lived her life the way she could have if you'd just stayed out of it."

"That's not going to be a problem idiot because me and Lucy are friends. Best friends, that's all. One day she is gunna meet some guy and marry him and forget about me and that is perfectly fine because she will be happy." Natsu's gut clenched at the words he was saying. He knew they were true, he really did.

"It doesn't look like it's as perfectly fine as you want me to believe."

"How would you know?"

"It's written all over your face. Good luck hot head. Your gunna need it."

"Hot head?"

"You're temper. Idiot." Gajeel shook his head before disappearing completely.

"He calls me an idiot? Imagine thinking that a human could fall in love with literal death. He has read one too many trashy romance novels." Natsu chuckled to himself before laying back down next too Lucy. She looked so peaceful, he couldn't help but feel relieved that she didn't wake up through his conversation.

'Keep dreaming Lucy. At least one of us can.' He thought to himself as his lips curved into a small smile.

* * *

Natsu clenched his fist at his side's and took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his composure. He knew better then to get mad. However, that was a hell of a lot easier said than done.

"For the last time, you need to come with me." He tried to make his voice sound gentle and reasonable. A feat which would have been better achieved if his teeth were not clenched.

"And for the last time I said no! You can't make me." The soul in front of him stomped her foot and crossed her arms in defiance.

"You would rather stay where you don't belong and rot? Bad things happen when souls stay where they don't belong. You are not human anymore, you are a spirit. If you stay here then your humanity will slowly wither away until you become something else entirely. Do you really want that?" Natsu tried to explain. It was getting harder and harder considering he had tried to explain it five times already.

"Then put me back in my body and that problem will be solved!"

"I already told you I can't! Jeez, do you ever listen or do you only like listening to yourself talk!" Natsu threw his hands in the air. The nerve of this girl.

He reached into his satchel and pulled out a medallion. He really didn't want to ask for help. He also didn't want to spend the next week dealing with the entitlement of the soul he was currently dealing with.

He used his finger to trace the swirling pattern on the metal. He had no idea who would show up to help him but anyone would better then dealing with this any longer.

"Well, Mr I don't need anyone ever had called for help?"

Perhaps he spoke to soon.

"Hey Lisanna. Give me a hand?"

Lisanna folded her arms and raised an eyebrow at him with a half grin plastered to her face. "You owe me." She said before turning her attention to the soul.

"Why don't you want to pass on? Don't you want to go to heaven?"

"Heaven? He told me he didn't know if heaven existed and he didn't know where I'd go!"

"Oh! Don't listen to him, he is an idiot. He is new at this job so he hadn't learned all the ins and outs yet." Lisanna gestured with her hand as she spoke.

"Well, if that is the case. I guess heaven would be nice." The girl started smiling and smoothing her hair.

"Of course it will be, and you deserve it of course! Could you wait here for a moment so I can have a word with my colleague?"

"Yes. He needs a stern talking to about people skills while he is at it!"

"I'll make sure I do that." Lisanna grabbed Natsu by the arm and dragging them both out of ear shot from the spirit.

"You needed my help with her. She was easy to deal with." She hissed, not letting go of his arm.

"Well only because you lied to her. How did you even know what religion she is? That was a bit of a shot in the dark." Natsu hissed back.

"She died wearing a cross around her neck. Her soul is wearing a cross around her neck!"

"Well aren't you observant."

"You are so frustrating. I'm going to go and deal with her. You better start being nicer to me unless you want me to get Gray to come and help you next time."

"You wouldn't dare." Natsu put his hand to his chest and pulled a mock shocked expression, if for nothing else than his own amusement at his dramatics.

Lisanna let out a small chuckle.

"You really are an idiot. Still, you owe me for this okay? Gray wanted to come just to rub in your face that you needed help but I beat him to it." She folded her arms and looked rather pleased with herself.

"Oh great Lisanna I am eternally in your debt." Natsu rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I will collect. Now get out of hear and go to your next job while I wrap this up."

Natsu didn't need to be told twice before he disappeared.

* * *

Natsu looked up at Lucy's window and his ledge, debating on if he would or wouldn't climb up. He really wanted to see her but he could almost swear he heard speaking coming from the room. He always had good hearing and he could hear Lucy giggling. He knew her laugh a mile away.

He had a bad feeling gnawing at his gut but ignored it in favour of climbing up to her window anyway. Or rather, floating up while holding the bricks.

What he saw made him feel hot with anger as he climbed through the open window.

"What do you think you are doing here?" He seethed.

"Lucy can see me too! HA! And you thought you were so special!" Lisanna poked out her tongue and smiled. "Don't look so mad. Me and Lucy have been having so much fun!"

"It's Lucy and I, not me and Lucy." Natsu didn't understand why that was all he could think of to say. His mind felt blank as he stood there looking at the ground as though if he glared at it hard enough it would catch fire.

"Natsu. You have been paying attention at school, I am so proud!" Lucy beamed at him from across the room.

"Get out." Natsu snarled, still looking at the ground. What made Lisanna think that she could come and try to take the one thing he had in this world?

"What? Natsu what's the matter?" Lucy walked across the room and placed a hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to make eye contact with her but not succeeding.

"I want her to get out." Natsu raised a finger to point at Lisanna but still kept his eyes fixated on the ground.

"Natsu, I don't mean any harm I promise. I just wanted to meet Lucy and get to know her a little." Lisanna raised her hands in surrender as she stood up.

"Why do you want to take Lucy away from me. She is the only friend I have and everyone is trying to take that away from me!" Natsu finally looked up from the ground to shout at Lisanna.

"I'm not taking her away from you! I am your friend too. I am on your side."

"You think I am an idiot? Do you expect me to believe that the day after Gajeel has a big talk to me about staying away from Lucy you come here to see her!"

"I didn't even know Gajeel spoke to you, I am sorry if me being here has upset you. I'll leave... bye Lucy, I hope I see you again." Lisanna smiled and waved at Lucy before getting a shocked expressions and waving her hands around. "Not for that reason of course! I mean I hope I see you again. And that you are alive and well, well. Bye."

Lisanna disappeared leaving Natsu and Lucy alone. Lucy's brows were furrowed and her lips pressed into a firm frown.

"What was that about. You had no right to treat her like that."

"She was trying to take you away from me." Natsu whispered softly, all the anger gone from his body.

"Don't be paranoid. She came here to tell me how happy she was that you found someone you actually like! All she said about you was that she was happy you made a friend and that she wanted to be friends with me too!"

"Why do you need another friend? Aren't I enough?"

"You are my best friend Natsu, but you won't be my only friend for the rest of my life... and I shouldn't be yours either! It's unhealthy." Lucy folded her arms across her stomach and kicked her foot at the ground.

"I've never had a friend before you. I don't exactly know how to even be a good friend. I just don't want anyone to take you away because then you won't have time for me anymore." Natsu pressed his back against the wall next to the window and slid down it until he was sitting. Lucy walked and sat across from him, looking at him in the eyes.

"Natsu, no matter how many friends I get. You will always be my best friend and I will always make time for you. I'm sorry for not understanding. It must be hard for you to adjust to having a friend who is a human and learning things that would normally never even apply to you. I want you to apologise to Lisanna tomorrow though." Lucy put her hand on his shoulder and smiled softly at him.

"Fine. I'll apologise tomorrow... but I won't like it."

"I think you and Lisanna will end up being great friends ya know. Will you at least try?"

"Fine. But no promises." Natsu rolled his eyes then smiled. "She is pretty annoying sometimes, you might regret being her friend."

"Nah, I handle you and you are the most annoying person on the planet!" Lucy started laughing and poked him in the side.

Natsu couldn't bring himself to care that she called him annoying. Not after she called him a person again. He did really know why it felt so good when she called him a person, he just knew that it did.

* * *

A/N

A massive thankyou to everyone who has followed/favorited or reviewed this story! It means the entire world to me when people take the time to read what I write and honestly you all have my external gratitude!

Lots of love and well wishes to you all until next time!

Please let me know your thoughts in the reviews!

What do you think will happen?

Until next time, babydoll4414 xx


	5. Chapter 5

Natsu put one foot in front of the other as he let Lucy drag him along by the arm.

"You know you look crazy right?" It wasn't really a question. He was slowly becoming more and more aware that she knew. Caring however was another matter.

Lucy shot him a glare then looked back to where she was walking.

"Nobody is even paying attention anyway and besides, it's your birthday and I have an entire day planned out for you. If you would follow me a little more willingly this might be easier."

"When you said you wanted to celebrate I didn't think you meant for the entire day you know. This is so unnecessary." He groaned and rolled his eyes but started walking a little bit more willingly.

"Well I think it is entirely necessary actually."

"Are you at least going to tell me where we are going?"

"No need." Lucy giggled as the pointed to a sign for an amusement park. Natsu had never been to one before but he couldn't help the feeling of anxiety that bloomed in his chest and stomach.

"Ahh Lucy, I don't think this is the best idea." He mumbled as she continued to pull him toward the entrance.

"Nonsense." She replied as the walked to the ticket booth. "Two tickets for entry and unlimited rides please." She smiled at the teenage boy with dirty blond hair who was working as she grabbed the money from her purse and put it on the counter.

"Ahhh two?" The boy looked at her and looked around her with a confused expression. "If you are planning to meet another person in there I will need to get a password off you to ask your friend when they come to collect the ticket."

"I'm not meeting anyone in there, why would you think that?" Lucy raised her eyebrows at the ticket clerk before a look of realization crossed her face. "Sorry for the confusion, ahh, just one ticket please." The boy handed her the change and ticket then Natsu followed her inside.

"So what do you want to do first?" Lucy smiled at him, her cheeks looking slightly picker then they normally did.

"I dunno" Natsu shrugged his shoulders. How was he supposed to know what to do at one of these places? He hadn't exactly been to any before. Not even to collect a soul.

Lucy furrowed her brow thoughtfully before her lips grew into a large smile. "I know, let's go on the roller coaster! That'll be fun right?"

Before Natsu could respond she grabbed his arm and started dragging him toward to ride. He could see on her face that she was excited and couldn't help the smile that found its way onto his lips. If Lucy thought that it would be fun, then he trusted her judgement on the matter.

"Hey what are you doing? My friend is sitting there!" Lucy raised her voice at the man standing to the side of them. Natsu didn't know what his job was called but he could guess it had something to do with helping run the ride.

After about half an hour waiting in line they finally got onto the ride. Natsu had sat down in the seat next to Lucy but found that he couldn't lock himself into the ride. Lucy had pulled the safety bar down and done up all the buckles for him.

"Miss, the line for the roller coaster is very long, it is important that we fill up every seat." The man spoke in a tired voice.

"This seat is full, my friend is sitting there!" Lucy argued as she held Natsu's safety bar down so the man couldn't undo it.

"Miss, I am going to have to ask you to let go so I can help this person into their seat." The man gestured to the middle age woman standing beside him.

"It's not her seat, it is my friends seat." Lucy said through clenched teeth, still not letting go of his safety bar.

"Lucy just let it-" Natsu started before the man interrupted him.

"Miss if you don't let go I am going to have to ask you to exit the ride completely."

"Fine! We don't wanna ride this crummy roller coaster anyway." Lucy undone her belt and safety bar, then undone Natsu's before grabbed grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the seats with her.

As they walked away Natsu could hear the people behind them talking about Lucy. Some of them called her crazy and others speculated about what could be "wrong" with her.

"I'm sorry that guy was such a jerk. We will find an even better ride, don't you worry." Lucy mumbled, ignoring the mean things being whispered about her by ever person the passed who heard what had happened.

* * *

After a few hours of walking around and trying to get on some different rides, the same thing kept happening. Each time Natsu became more numb to the fact that nobody could see him and Lucy became more frustrated. The only ride they managed to get on was the spinning tea cups but by that point Natsu just wanted to go home with Lucy, lay on her bed and pretend that he could sleep.

His chain of thought was interrupted by a boy standing in front of him. No. Standing in front of Lucy.

"Can I help you with something?" Lucy asked in an impatient voice, still not letting go of Natsu's hand.

"I was just wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?" The boy smiled at her. For some reason it didn't sit right with Natsu, seeing this person smiling at her like that.

"No thankyou. Have a nice day." Lucy smiled at the boy but it didn't quite reach her eyes as she tried to step around him but he stepped in front of her again.

"Why not?" He asked with his smile slowly turning into something at mote closely resembled a scowl

"Because I don't know you." Lucy spoke as if her reason should be completely obvious. Natsu found himself agreeing with her on that.

"Well maybe you could get to know me if you let me take you on a date."

"I don't want to go on a date." Lucy moved to step around him and again he cut her off.

"Why not?" The stranger raised his voice.

"Why do I owe you a reason? I don't know you!" Lucy raised her voice back.

"She said no, leave her alone!" Natsu stepped in front of Lucy but was completely ignored.

"You're a bitch you know that right?" The boy crossed his arms and glared at her.

"Don't talk to her like that." Natsu growled. He should have known better than to try and talk to the boy in front of him. It was just that sometimes, Lucy treated him so human that he almost forgot he wasn't.

"You're an entitled idiot. Get out of my face and out of my way." Lucy tried once more to walk away from the stranger harassing her but he blocked her path again.

"Or what?" He grinned.

His smile quickly turned into clenched teeth as Lucy kicked him straight in the stomach.

"Or that." She smiled sweetly before walking away, Natsu's hand clenched tightly in her own. Despite the fact that he could feel her warmth against his palm it did nothing to ease the strange sensation he felt in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

The walk home was silent, which was fine by him. Natsu didn't want to talk. He felt so useless. Lucy had gone to so much trouble for him and he couldn't even stick up for her against some jerk. He should have been the one who kicked that guy. All day Lucy had been kicked off ride after ride, all because he was literally invisible. She had been called names by everyone who looked at her, and what had he done? Sweet fuck all.

The worst part was, she wasn't even mad at him for ruining their day. She didn't get annoyed with him or irritated. She didn't even stop holding his hand when onlookers whispered cruel things about her. She just kept her hand around his and continued walking forward.

As they walked through the doors of the mansion everything remained as quiet as it always was. Natsu didn't know if Lucy's dad was in the house or away for work. Whenever he was there he didn't exactly make his presence known. The servants were had probably either gone home for the day or retired to their own rooms.

He wasn't the only one who felt invisible in this house. Lucy was just as unseen as him. Completely ignored and unnoticed. He followed her up the stairs. It felt strange for him to not be climbing in through her window.

When they got to her door Lucy cleared her throat and Natsu looked at her with furrowed brows.

"Can you close your eyes for me? Please."

Natsu shrugged and did as he was told as Lucy guided him into her room.

"You can open them now."

Natsu gasped. The room was completely decorated with balloons and streamers, a large and clearly handmade banner hung over the window that read "Happy birthday Natsu" in rainbow letters.

"You done this for me?" He whispered and Lucy smiled at him softly.

"I had help." She replied.

"Who?"

As if to answer his question, other his colleagues started appearing through the room. Lisanna, Bickslow, Gajeel, Erza and most surprisingly Gray all stared at him.

"What's a party without friends?" Lucy smiled.

"Friends?" Natsu whispered. He couldn't say he had ever thought of his fellow personifications as friends. They annoyed him to no end at the best of times. The nagged him and scolded him and laughed at him when he made mistakes and... They showed up to his first party and helped Lucy in whatever way she meant. Did friends do that kind of thing?

"We figured you deserved a fun night. You do know what fun is right." Lisanna smiled.

Theoretically Natsu knew what fun was, he just wasn't exactly certain that he had ever put it to practice. He knew about the concept of fun even if he wasn't sure what it meant to have it.

"Hey flame brain, are you just gunna stand their blubbering like an idiot or are you going to enjoy the party?" Gray shouted from across the room indicating that Gajeel's new nickname for him had apparently caught on rather quickly. Well two could play at that game.

"Shut up ice princess, I'm just a bit surprised." He called back but even he could tell that his words lacked any venom beside them.

"Ice princess?" Gray looked at him sceptically.

"Yeah well you are a cold hearted sook so I figured that name fits you well." He replied with a smug grin.

Gray smiled back at him.

"I'll let that slide because it's your birthday fire face but don't go thinking I can't beat your arse."

Natsu paused for a moment. Gray was a lot older than he was so in a fight he probably could beat him but in insults? Natsu was going to have to think of a few new nicknames.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lucy looking at him with an amused expression and her arms crossed. Under the heat of her gaze his felt something, though he wasn't really sure what it was. It made his throat and chest feel kind of strange. He wasn't sure what it meant but he did know that he liked seeing her smile at him. He wanted to see her look at him with pride in her eyes.

"Gray. Fight me you silly popsicle!" He didn't know where the words came from but they slipped from his mouth before he could think about it.

"Okay, nothing like a fun spare between friends right?" Gray shrugged and removed his shirt.

"I said fight me, not have a stripping contest." Natsu mumbled, feeling suddenly less confident.

"I'm not a stripper. I'm taking it off because I don't really want to get my clothing torn."

Shrugging his shoulders Natsu decided that wasn't exactly a terrible idea and opted for also taking his shirt off. He paused for a moment before deciding to not go so far as to remove his pants. He really didn't know why but he had the feeling that it would be taking things too far and besides, they were not likely to get ripped.

"You ready yet?" Gray said, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Oh I was born ready." Natsu grinned not realizing how silly the phrase sounded coming from him.

He didn't notice how Lucy's expression changed when he took off his shirt or how it changed again when Gray's punches started connecting with his face and stomach. He just noticed that they actually hurt. He tried to block but he wasn't quick enough. He managed to land a few well placed punches but Gray seemed unaffected. The fight came to a complete head when Gray picked him up, and slammed him through the drinks table, breaking the table and spilling the liquid over the floor.

"Gray what the fuck!" Erza, the female with dark red hair and a look that could frighten a bear plastered to her face shouted. "That was not fair and you know it!"

Natsu looked stood up and looked at the damage. How the fuck was that even possible?

"Come on lighten up. Kid had to learn some how right?" Gajeel interrupted and Erza shot him a scowl.

"Going solid against a personification who has not reached that level yet is bad form."

"What the fuck is-" Natsu started at the same time as Lucy spoke.

"What's is going solid?" She sounded nervous confused.

"When a personification reaches a certain rank they develop the ability to effect the world around them. It is normally forbidden to do in front of humans and can take hundreds of years to learn. Gray, Erza and Gajeel are three of the only personifications who possess the ability." Lisanna smiled and when Lucy still looked confused, continued. "They can make themselves solid and touch things. Like pick stuff up and moved stuff around. It also can make you visible to humans if you are really good at it, hence why it is forbidden to do in front of them. It takes a lot of practice and you have to be taught the ability by someone who already knows it and deems you as ready."

"What? You mean that I could be able to pick stuff up and-"

"Not in your life. You didn't even know what it was so you clearly still haven't read that fucking book. Not only that but you are irresponsible and have poor judgement. You won't be learning it for a few hundred years yet." Gajeel interrupted Natsu.

Natsu was about to retort when Lucy walked up to him and placed a cold, damp hand to his face. In her other hand she cupped a few melting ice cubes and small drops of water fell from between her fingers onto her floor. Natsu leaned into her hand and let the coolness sooth him.

He had never felt cold before but somehow it felt nice having her cold hand touching him. Natsu thought it felt good because it soothed him after the fight with Gray. If he had thought a out it more he would have realized that any injuries were already faded and that the coolness wasn't the thing that soothed him at all.

He could hear everyone else whispering to each other but couldn't make out what they were saying so chose to ignore it. The rest of the party was completely u eventful. Lucy seemed to get along better with everyone than he did. Natsu wasn't sure how to feel about that.

* * *

After everyone left Natsu looked at Lucy. She looked at the floor and then back at him.

"I'm sorry if it wasn't exactly a good day. I really wanted you to have a good birthday." She mumbled, playing with her hands.

Natsu didn't know how to respond. He didn't understand how she could possibly blame herself for the day not going as planned. She had clearly put a lot of thought into everything she had done. Even the decorations. She had money, lots of money. She could have gone and gotten decorations from the store and that would have been perfectly fine. Instead she had made them herself, with her own two hands. The only thing she had done wrong was forgetting that he wasn't human. He was death.

To him, her forgetting didn't seem like a bad thing at all. It made his chest throb and his cheeks feel hot. He had never felt any sort of temperature before he met her but now he was experiencing all sorts of knew feelings and sensations that he didn't understand. He didn't think that seemed like a bad thing either.

"Lucy, all you done was treat me like a regular human being." He tried to sooth her but she flinched.

"I know, I'm sorry Natsu. I didn't think.. I was just... Never mind. I was stupid."

"I like it." He whispered low enough that he wasn't sure if she heard him until she replied.

"You like me being stupid?"

"No. I like it when you treat me like I am normal. Like I am just a regular human." It wasn't until the words left his mouth that Natsu felt the brutal honesty they were laced with. He wanted to be normal. Wanted to be a human so desperately it made his throat feel tight.

"Well then I promise I will always treat you like you are just a regular human if that is what you want?" She spoke slowly, the last few words sounding more drawn out then they needed to be.

He could never really be normal, he knew that much. That's why he was selfish because -even though he knew what he was- he decided in that moment that he was going to cling to his wish of normality. If Lucy was the only way he could experience even a small taste of his it, he would cling to her just a tightly.

He snapped away from his thoughts and noticed that Lucy was already laying down in her bed, so he walked toward her to lay at her feet looking up at her even though she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Lucy?"

"Yeah?

"You make me feel." He said the words not knowing the weight behind them. Not even realizing as he head snapped up from the pillow and she looked at him.

"What do you mean? How do I make you feel?" Her eyes were wide and full of something he couldn't quite distinguish.

"I mean you make me feel. I don't know how you do it. You make me feel and it's confusing for me because I don't know what it means. I've never had to think about these kinds of things before." His face was tense and his throat felt oddly itchy, as though the words did not what to come out.

Lucy smiled at him, a large smile that took over her face and caused her eyes to crinkle. It was his favourite expression to see on her face.

"It means you're normal Natsu, it's normal to feel things and it is normal to feel confused about them. If you ever want help figuring it out tell me okay?"

"Thanks Lucy. You really are the best you know?" Natsu felt weirdly drained after the days events. He knew he couldn't sleep but he still felt almost devoid of energy. So instead of waiting for Lucy to reply he close his eyes and let his imagination take over for a while. He let the pictures play in his head behind his closed eyes and pretended that was what a dream was.

In his weird dreams that were not quite dreams he could be anything or anyone. He was many things all at once. They varied through the course of the night and grew more fantastical with each one. There was really only one constant in every single of them. A constant he didn't even notice or think to much of.

Lucy was always there, smiling her big smile with crinkled eyes. Some times she was a princess he needed to rescue. Other times she was a powerful mage that battled along side of him. In all of them, not matter how different the not quite dreams were, she was always Lucy.

When he opened his eyes he noted that it was still dark outside, however the light given by the moon shone through the window and made the room just light enough to see. He looked at his only friend in the world thinking about how peaceful she seemed in her state of unconsciousness.

"I wonder what your dream about. What images flash behind your eyes and make you frown in your sleep." He whispered so softly that she wouldn't be able to hear him, even if she were awake.

Her lips looked soft, even in a frown. He shook his head to clear it when he realized how dangerously close he was to finding out for himself if they were as soft as they looked. He didn't know where the urge to touch her in any way came from, so he pushed it to the back on his mind and ignored it. Still, he didn't push them away quick enough and one last thought brushed through his mind.

'If she can make me feel the warmth and coolness of her touch, I wonder if I could also feel the sense of taste if it came from her.'

* * *

A/N

Hello everyone! I am so sorry that I haven't been updating for a while, I just got a new job and the hours I have been working have been making me feel rather exhausted. I don't wanna just throw chapters at you if they are poor quality or if they are just for the sake of it. I feel as though I owe it to each of you to pour my heart and soul into each chapter. I don't want to produce writing that feels empty just for the sake of updating

I will do my best to update more often but regardless of if my updates are slow, none of my stories are completely abandoned and I intend to finish all of them even if I do it slowly on

Please tell me what you think, believe it or not but reviews really do help encouraged me and make me want to write more often! Plus I also love reading about different opinions and theories as to what you think could happen next and I do take every opinion into account. Each of my stories has a guideline that I follow for the events that I want to happen and how things are going to end but all the stuff in between is always open to changes if I read something that might fit better then what I have in the draft. I do draft my stories before ever posting them, most of what you guys read has been planned and changed and gone over many times before I finally am happy with it and often I will rewrite a chapter at least three times but often more. I love anyone who takes the time to read what a write and I loving creating something for people to enjoy, so I do my best even if I do sometimes miss a few grammatical mistakes in editing.

Anyway this AN is already way longer than it needs to be so until next time

Lots of love and well wishes to all of you xx


	6. Chapter 6

It was raining outside. Not a storm of any sort, just soft rain that children often played in. He couldn't help but wonder what that felt like, to have the rain fall onto your skin and dampen your hair and clothing. Would he be able to find out it he learned out to go solid? Or would the rain still pass through him only to hit the ground beneath his feet as he walked.

Natsu walked through the streets and the people walked through him. A constant reminder of what he was and why his pathetic wish for normality was foolish at best. Still, every time he thought about it his chest swelled and his stomach felt different. Was it really so wrong for him to hope for something?

Natsu found himself hoping for many things recently which was strange for him. He tried not to think of it if he could avoid it, he wasn't sure what it meant to hope for certain things that he had no business even thinking of in the first place.

His entire body started feeling the familiar sensation of dissapearing and for the first time Natsu closed his eyes and paid attention. It wasn't exactly a painful feeling but it also wasn't entirely pleasant. His body felt like tiny needles were being pressed into him just hard enough to be felt. His stomach felt as though it were in his chest and it churned slightly. He had always tried to avoid paying attention but now that he was trying to he noticed that it really was not a nice feeling.

When he appeared in a small room he didn't realize what had happened at first. He looked around and could see that this death must have been violent. There was blood on the floor and walls, the room itself had no windows. Natsu noticed the body and for a moment his entire chest felt as though it would be crushed under a weight he didn't understand. It was a girl, chained up completely naked. Her blond hair covered most of her face and had blood streaking through it. Still, as he walked closer and got a better look...

Natsu almost fell to his knees. It looked like Lucy. He looked down at his list and seen that her name was Lucy but her last name was Ashley, not Heartfilia. Still she looked so much like his Lucy that it unnerved him to his very core.

He couldn't help the flashes that came to his mind of Lucy smiling at him, saying his name, holding his hand. He couldn't help the noise that tore it's way from his throat at the idea that something like this could ever happen to his Lucy.

He was torn from his thoughts from the sound of a small voice coming from the corner of the room. The soul he was meant to collect.

"It's brutal, isn't it?"

Natsu swallowed down the lump in his throat. He had a job to do, he couldn't lose his head this way. He straightened his back and walk toward her. He had to force his legs to move with every step he took.

"You're going to a better place now, your suffering is over." Natsu could hear his own voice and how it cracked.

"Please cut the bullshit and just take me to wherever it is I am going. I'm done with this life anyway."

Natsu nodded his head and took the girls hand to guide her.

"If you ever have to take the bloke who did this to me. Take him to hell. He deserves it."

"Okay."

"I didn't deserve this."

"Nobody does."

"No I mean, his only reason for taking me was my hair colour. It could have been anyone else and yet... never mind. Do I walk through there?" The soul pointed toward the veil and Natsu nodded as he watched her walk through. When she was finally out of his sight he allowed his knees to give out.

* * *

Natsu stared up at the window that he didn't really have the energy to climb. The light was on and the window was wide open as always. He wondered if she left it open for him or if it was just a coincidence. He could still pass through it even if she shut it but seeing it open made him feel more welcome.

He decided to get it over with and started climbing up the wall every brick taking him closer to the one thing he knew could make him feel normal. The thing her knew would make him feel better.

He paused when he was half way in her window with one leg dangling on each side. Lucy was dressed in a long blue skirt with golden thread stitched into patterns. With every move she made he could hear bells tinkling and she was moving a lot. She spun in circles and he skirt flowed around her, she stomped her feet and jumped and clapped her hands and spun some more. Her now shoulder length hair looked as wild as her movements and her white shirt was tight and showed her stomach.

She looked so different. He had never seen her look so unburdened and care free before, like nothing could ever hurt her. Natsu cleared his throat and Lucy jumped and turned to face him.

"Natsu, you startled me!" She chided as she placed her hands on her hips and looked at him with a mock pout.

"What we're you doing?" His voice sounded horse so her cleared his throat again.

"Dancing."

"Okay but what are you wearing?" He raised an eyebrow at her for a second her smile faltered.

"Um, what I felt like wearing? Why?" Lucy's face tightened and her brows furrowed as if she was waiting for Natsu's response before deciding what to feel.

"You looked so happy, I thought maybe it was because you were dressed different." Natsu shrugged and finally climbed the rest of the way through the window. Lucy's eyes widened and she nodded slowly but didn't say anything else about it. Instead she held out her hand to him with a wicked smirk plastered to her face.

"Dance with me?"

"I'm not really much of a dancer." Natsu put his hands in his pockets and kicked at the ground.

"Have you ever tried it?" Natsu shook his head and she continued. "How do you know you aren't much of a dancer if you have never danced, just move and have fun. It's only me here."

And he did. He took her hand and moved with her, jumping around and following her lead. Spun with her and jumped with her. When she jumped into his arms he caught her and continued to spin while she smiled down at him. Then he stopped and looked her, she made no indication that she would move away from him.

He could feel her chest moving with deep breaths against his. Her brown eyes shone and he skin was slicked with sweat. Her face was so close to his, her lips were so close to his and if he leaned in just a few centimetres they would be touching. He found himself really wanting to lean in and close any distance between them.

It took all his strength to put her down and step away from her when an image of her cold dead body flashed through his mind.

No. Not her. It wasn't her, he reminded himself. It was just someone that looked like her, it would never be her.

"Natsu are you okay?" Lucy whispered.

"Huh?"

"You just got this really strange expression on your face. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Natsu didn't know where he got the courage to speak the words that flew from his mouth but they were out before he could stop them.

"Can I hold you tonight?"

"What? Natsu where is this coming from?" Lucy looked at him with confusion laced in worry.

"Just... Please? I just need to keep reminding myself that you are safe and I know you are safe if I am holding you." He was looking at the ground. It was a stupid idea anyway, he didn't know where it came from but hearing the words spill from his lips made them sound all the more stupid and pathetic.

"Okay"

Natsu's head snapped up and he looked at Lucy but her expression gave nothing away.

"Really?" God he sounded so pathetic. He knew he did, but he couldn't help it. It was like he was slowly losing control of himself and his own actions.

"Yeah, but only for tonight. Then it's back to the foot of the bed for you okay?"

Natsu nodded enthusiastically before clearing his throat.

"Thankyou Lucy."

"You're welcome. Now turn around, I need to get into my pyjamas."

Natsu did as he was told and after Lucy was dressed he layed down beside her as she placed the blankets over them both. At first he wasn't really sure what to do with his hands but he quickly figured it out when Lucy put her head against his chest and he hand on his stomach. He wrapped one arm around her waist and placed his free hand on top of hers.

"Natsu, I know you don't tell me a lot of different things. I don't know why. Promise you will be honest with me one day?" As Lucy whispered Natsu could feel the warm air coming from her mouth tickle his chest.

"I promise one day I will tell you anything you want to know. But I can't right now. I want to but I just can't bring myself to talk about some things." It was true, how could he even begin to tell her that he was the reason her mother died? Layla had understood but he had a feeling that Lucy would react very differently.

"Like why you always watched me even before you knew I could see you?"

"Yeah, something like that." He mumbled feeling slightly guilty.

"You mean a whole lot to me you know?" Her voice sounded nervous but Natsu couldn't quite help the surprise. It was meant to be his job to take care of her and look out for her. It was a part of his promise. He knew she cared about him, but he didn't realize she cared enough to word it the way she had.

"I do?"

"Yeah... in case you didn't notice, you're sort of the most important person in my life."

Natsu could help the smile that found its way onto his face or the subconscious way that he pulled her against him tighter then before. He didn't know enough about humans to realize the true meaning behind her words.

* * *

Natsu groaned audibly knowing that nobody could hear him anyway not only because nobody could see him but also because nobody was even around. He had been waiting at the same spot in the same store for what felt like a really long time. He was going to strangle Gray when he finally got here. He understood it was very early hours of the morning but it's not like they ever slept anyway. Besides he was on a mission and he needed help to complete it.

"What do you want flame brain?" Natsu turned around to see the guy in question looking very bored.

"It's Lucy's birthday today." Natsu answered.

"And that matters to me because?"

"Because you are going to help me get Lucy a present." Natsu crossed his arms and stared at Gray. He probably should have asked more nicely but he really didn't want to. Not for the Ice queen.

"Why do you need my help?" Gray looked at him with a confused expression.

"You can go solid. Since you won't teach me how to, I need you to grab the gift."

"You mean steal it?"

"Well, yeah. Will you help me or not?" Natsu bit out, starting to feel A bit impatient.

"You're really lucky I am your friend."

"We aren't friends."

"Then I'm not helping." Gray smirked at him with his arms crossed. "Admit we are friends or find someone else who would be willing to break the rules and who can also go solid."

"Fine." Natsu hissed through clenched teeth. "We are friends."

"Was that so hard?" Gray slapped Natsu of the back with a grin. "So what are we getting?"

Natsu pointed box filled with books. On the box it said 'The works of William Shakespeare'.

"You're shit a picking presents. Books? Really?"

"Lucy loves reading and we have been studying Shakespeare in class. She seems to really like it."

"You've been going to school with her?" Gray hissed.

"Education is oh so important my dear friend." Natsu smiled, his voice filled with sarcasm.

Gray shook his head but didn't comment.

"Are there any security camera's?"

"Nope, looked and couldn't find a single one."

"Okay." Gray stretched his arms in front of him and rolled his neck. The difference was subtle but since Natsu was watching closely he could see it. Gray looked more... alive. His cheeks took on a faint amount of colour and his hair developed a kind of shine to it. It was more than that though, he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Gray grabbed the box off books and started walking with Natsu beside him, they escaped through the fire exit and continued on the long walk to Lucy's house. It was a good thing it was so late or they would look rather suspicious.

"I am sorry by the way. In case you didn't figure that out already." Gray mumbled as though it was really hard for him to say, adjusting the grip on the box slightly as he walked.

"About what?" Natsu quirked his eyebrow and searched his memories for a reason Gray might be sorry. He was a right prick at times, but he also never apologized for it. If he was apologizing he must have meant it.

"For that day, with Lucy's mum. I know that wasn't easy for you and I made it harder it's just that, you keep breaking the rules. Even now you are breaking the rules and I am helping you and I know it's not a good idea."

"What do you mean? What's not a good idea?" Natsu questioned.

"Getting so attached to a human. Natsu there are so many reasons that the rules exist the way they do. This can only ever end badly."

"You don't know that."

"Okay, prove me wrong by answering some questions." Gray challenged him.

"Fine." Natsu bit out, his fist were clenched and his head was starting to feel hot.

"What will you do when Lucy dies?"

Natsu was caught off guard. He really didn't know the answer to that question and Gray nodded at his silence.

"What about if she falls in love with you, how do you picture that ending?"

"Lucy wouldn't -."

"Don't bullshit me Natsu, we all seek the way she was looking at you. If she isn't already there then she is close. If you confessed to you, would you be able to break her heart for her own good?"

"How could hurting Lucy ever be good?" Natsu raised his voice slightly more then he needed to, he didn't like all these questions.

"How do you picture a relationship between the two of you ending? It can only end in two ways Natsu, either you break up or she dies. That's it, those are the only options. Then what will you do knowing that you can never ever follow her soul wherever it went?" Gray voice was surprisingly gentle as he spoke. His eyes were pleading to Natsu as if begging him to see reason.

"I can't give her up okay? I know what you are saying is true, I get it! But Lucy... She makes me feel, Gray. I don't expect you to understand."

"I do. I understand better than you could possibly know. She makes you feel and I'm guessing it's all these cool new feelings that you don't quite understand but you still like. Feelings work both ways though, they bring you up or they can tear you down. The higher you climb, the longer the fall. I don't wanna see my newest friend hurt."

Natsu nodded his head and looked at the pavement in front of them. He knew Gray was right but, was he so wrong to try and chase the one bit of happiness he had ever known?

"I know that you will do whatever you feel you have to, just be careful okay? And don't be too proud to ask advice if you get in over your head. When this all crashes and burns you remember, Lucy isn't all you had. You have you're friends even after she is gone."

"Gray, I am glad we are friends but, can we still fight from time to time too? I don't really know how this friend thing works."

"Oh you try and stop me from picking fights with you fire princess." Gray smirked and adjusted his grip on the box so he could punch Natsu in the arm.

"Wouldn't dream of it Ice Prick."

* * *

Natsu paced Lucy's room, nervous for her to wake up. He hadn't been to see her the previous night because he was too preoccupied with wanting to get her a gift so he was excited to see how she would react to it. His stomach fluttered and his palms were hot, every second she layed sleeping was another second that he felt beyond tempted to wake her up.

But she looked so peaceful. So he just continued his pacing back and forth and stared at the box of books that Gray had placed on the floor.

What if she hated it? What if she thought it was a boring gift? It's the thought that counts right but what if he hadn't thought hard enough?

Those questions flew back and forth through his head and made him feel ill, which was a rather new and unpleasant experience.

He was shaken put of his thought by Lucy's shout.

"What are you doing in my room while I was asleep?"

Natsu jumped back and put his hands up defensively.

"I'm almost always in your room when you sleep."

"Yeah but normally it's because I know you are here, not because you came around at whatever time to pace around my room while I don't know you are here!" Lucy growled, her brows furrowed and her eyes wild.

"I just wanted to be here when you woke up for your birthday." Natsu cringed, half expecting her to throw something at him. It would go straight through him... unless she threw her fist. That could be unpleasant. Surprisingly Lucy's expression changed to one of shock.

"Oh, you remembered my birthday?"

"What? Of course I remembered your birthday." Natsu felt slightly offended that she even had to ask. "I Even got you a present." Natsu pointed to the box on the floor.

"How did you get me a present?" Lucy started climbing out of bed and walking toward him.

"Well, Gray helped a bit but I picked it Out and..." Natsu started to rambled but was silenced by the feeling of Lucy's arms wrapping around his waist and he head pressed again his chest.

"Thankyou Natsu."

"You don't even know what it is yet."

"I don't need to. It's from you" Natsu was confused by the way she said the words. As though they were a complete explanation of why she would like a gift she had never even seen.

"Please just look at it, the suspense is killing me." He grumbled half heartedly.

"Fine, if it will make you feel better." Lucy let go of him and rolled her eyes with a smile on her face before looking at the box, then tearing it open and smiling brightly as she went through all the books inside.

"I can't believe you did this." Through her smile he noticed that her voice cracked slightly and she coughed to clear her throat.

"Are you just going to oggle at them or are you going to read one to me?" Natsu crossed his arms and grinned at her.

"I thought you got bored by this kind of thing? You don't seem to like it much in class."

Natsu wanted to point out that she in class she wasn't the one reading it but thought better of it.

"I can put up with it for your birthday."

Lucy beamed at him again with the smile that crinkled her eyes.

"Which one do you think?"

Natsu looked down at the titles before pointing at one and saying the name as he did so.

"The taming of the shrew."

* * *

Natsu layed on his stomach looking at Lucy who was sitting with her legs crossed as she finished the last few lines before closing the book and eyeing him with an almost worried look.

"What did you think?" She spoke through almost clenched teeth and look as though she was suppressing the urge to cringe.

"Honestly I hated it." Natsu shrugged and Lucy looked relieved and exhaled deeply.

"Right! How could anyone think that was romantic?"

"I know! Like who starves someone and isolates them like that then pretends it's out of love? And why was she so happy to be the most obedient wife? Like what the fuck was that about?" Natsu sat up and ranted while Lucy nodded in agreement.

"Stockholm syndrome. Petruchio is literally a garbage fire of a human being."

"Almost everyone in the story is garbage but he is definitely the worst of the bunch." Natsu crossed his arms and pouted.

"I hope my dad never forces me to marry a man like that. I think I'd rather just never get married." Even though Lucy's tone remained light her eyes changed slightly with the weight of what she said and Natsu's frown deepened.

"I would kidnap you myself before I would ever let you be sold of to some jerk like that."

"Could you even actually do that?" Lucy smirked at him.

"Nobody could stop me. Besides your mum put money away for you in case that ever happened so it's not like it would be impossible." Natsu stopped talking quickly. He hadn't actually told Lucy about that yet.

"What do you mean?" Lucy's expression was completely unreadable and her tone was void of emotion.

"I didn't want to tell you unless you needed it. I didn't want to worry you or make you sad... Your mum... She told me before she went to the afterlife... She left a bunch of money in an account under your name that only you can access or something." Natsu mumbled the words.

"I wish you would have told me sooner Natsu." Her tone was completely diplomatic and Natsu hated it.

"I didn't want you to be sad hearing about your mum." Natsu kept his head low but looked at her through his hooded eyes. "I'm sorry."

"We can talk about it more later, it's my birthday. I don't want to be so serious on my birthday." Lucy shrugged and her smile returned just as there was a knock on the door. Natsu watched as Lucy opened it to a person he didn't recognize. The woman didn't speak, only handed Lucy an envelope then bowed and walked away.

Lucy walked back to the bed and Natsu noticed how her body shook as she grasped the letter tightly in her hand.

"What is it?" He whispered, a sinking feeling took over his stomach.

Lucy didn't reply, she instead opened the envelope with shaky fingers. She stared at it blankly and Natsu stood up to get a closer look.

_**Dear Miss Lucy Heartfilia**_

_**I invite you to attend a party in your honour tonight at 6pm in the ballroom. **_

_**You are now sixteen and as you know this comes with many responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is choosing your intended and entering a political contract of engagement. **_

_**I am selected a small list of worthy suitors who will also be in attendance tonight. **_

_**It is up to you to bring honour to the family name and be a lady worthy of the men in your presence. **_

_**I expect you to be on your best behaviour. **_

_**A stylist will arrive at 3pm to help you look the part. **_

_**Regards**_

_**Jude Heartfilia**_

Natsu could feel himself shaking as he read the intentions Lucy's father had for her. Fuck. He wasn't much of a father at all.

He looked at Lucy who stared at him with wide, terrified eyes.

"I don't want to do this. I am too young to buy a house on my own. I can't run away." Lucy's words were interrupted by her own violent sobs that tore from her throat. "Natsu, how can I get out of this?"

Natsu wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, stroking he head as he done so.

"We will find a way Lucy. We will figure this out." He whispered through the cracking of his voice.

In his arms Lucy continued sobbing and shaking as a lump developed in his throat and grew large enough for him to choke on.

* * *

**A/N **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! **

**Please read and review! **

**Pretty please leave reviews, they actually motivate me so much right now. With working so much it is hard to find the motivation to write. I am currently finishing this chapter at 12:15am after forcing myself to stay awake knowing I need to get up and get ready for work early. **

**So all your support means the world to me! **

**Also knew chapter for IFASL should be coming this weekend (provided I manage to finish the editing process after my 13 hour shift on Saturday) **

**If I don't it may be a little late sorry!**

**Lots of love and well wishes to all of you! **


	7. Chapter 7

_Natsu wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, stroking he head as he done so._

_"We will find a way Lucy. We will figure this out." He whispered through the cracking of his voice._

_In his arms Lucy continued sobbing and shaking as the lump in Natsu's throat grew large enough for him to nearly choke on._

* * *

Natsu stood next to Lucy with his fist clenched firmly at his sides. She sat across from her father, fiddling with her fingers and waiting as he filled out paperwork. As if to remind him that she was there she cleared and throat but remained otherwise silent.

"Happy birthday Lucy. Are you excited for your party?" His tone held no affection. It was blunt with a slight hint of annoyance.

"Father, I have come to ask you to reconsider the subject of my betrothal." Natsu was surprised that Lucy's voice didn't shake. Her face was a mask that shown no expression.

"Under what grounds?"

"I am not ready to get engaged or married... I want to be in love father."

Her father only looked amused.

"Love does not offer security or a good life. You are young and foolish and know nothing of the world."

"Yes but I still want the chance to try and find a husband for myself. If I failed to find an appropriate husband then I would allow you to find one for me so I could perform my duty as a Heartfilia."

Lucy's father said nothing for a long and torturous minute. Lucy's mask slipped and her eyes widened.

Natsu's entire body felt tense. He felt like an elastic that had been stretched and was abound to snap. He was ready to grab Lucy at any moment and run out of the room with her in his arms. Screw the rules or what her father thought.

"Okay. I will make a deal with you."

Natsu refused to relax until he heard what the deal was.

"You will go to the party tonight. Have fun, talk to some new people. If nobody at the party catches your eye then I will not force you. You have one year to find a match for yourself with someone I agree is suitable. If by your next birthday you remain unsuccessful then you will allow me to pick someone for you without complaint."

"A year is not a lot of time father." Lucy spoke softly.

"It is more than fair. This is the deal, take it or leave it."

Natsu's body felt like it was on fire. The heat ran through his veins and he suppressed the growl that tried to rise from his throat. This man had backed Lucy into a corner. What choice did she have?

He had one year. One year before some spoiled moron took Lucy away from him. Just thinking about it made him want to punch something.

His head was pounding and his ears were ringing. So much so that he didn't realize the conversation was over until Lucy stood up and walked out, not even gesturing him to follow her, though he supposed that was a good thing. Her father probably wouldn't hesitate to send her off to some kind of mental facility. Natsu had collected patients from one of those places before. Lucy wouldn't do well in one of those places.

The walk back to Lucy's room was silent but the moment she close the door her knees buckled and he held to stop her from falling.

"It's okay, we have a year now. We can work something out." He said, his voice only a hushed whisper.

"He only gave me a year to mock me. To give me hope so he can snatch it away. He won't approve of any man I suggest. It's all just a ploy to make me do what he wants." Lucy wasn't crying like Natsu expected. Instead her entire body felt limp, as though she had no energy left.

"Well it's not up to him to decide you life. We will figure something out. You might not think you are old enough to be out on your own but you won't be alone anyway. You have me... We will figure it out together Lucy."

"I suppose I can always rent. I can't technically buy until I am eighteen but I can rent... If I have to." She still didn't sound okay. Her voice was small and her shoulders were hunched. Natsu hated it.

All too soon he felt himself fading away from her. He hated that too. Hated the thought of leaving her when she seemed so small.

* * *

When he reappeared he was surrounded by a familiar scene in the form of a hospital room. What wasn't familiar however was the sight of Gajeel standing beside the bed of a small blue haired girl.

"Why did you call me here? She isn't dead." Natsu pointed at the girl in question, ready to start a fight with his boss but the look on Gajeel's face turned his anger into pity.

For such a big and emotionless brute, Gajeel looked almost broken. His stance was the same as the one Lucy had only minutes before.

"This is the last time I will warn you. Stop letting yourself get attached to Lucy." Gajeel's words sounded harsh but his voice was cracked and softer then Natsu had thought he would be capable of.

"Who is she?" Natsu furrowed his brows and walked to stand beside Gajeel and stare at the sleeping girl.

"She is _my _Lucy. Her name is Levy."

"Can she see us?" Natsu looked from Levy to Gajeel and back.

Gajeel shook his head. "She can't see anything. She is blind and deaf. But she can feel things. I learned sign language to communicate with her after her accident... She touches my hands while I sign so she can understand me."

"Accident?"

"Levy was a forensic investigator. Often she would turn up to a from scene while I was collecting the soul. One day I got sloppy and accidentally went solid for a second. It was only a second but it was long enough for her to catch a glimpse of me... I didn't mean to do it. Going solid is hard and it's even harder when you feel strong emotions. Anger especially. I was still learning the ins and outs of going solid but it was still a stupid mistake."

"I thought going solid wasn't something that could happen by accident."

"Not the way Gray does it... but there are different ways to go solid. For a second I would probably have looked something like a ghost to Levy. She was such a curious little shrimp and she just kept on trying to find out about me and what I was. She ended up becoming a paranormal investigator on the side because of it."

"Did she ever find out?"

"Not until I told her. She would always try and talk to me. She couldn't see or hear me but she would talk out loud and wait to see if I'd answer. She was so persistent. I couldn't really help falling in love with her, it just happened. I started looking forward to seeing her whenever I collected a soul. Then she went to investigate an explosion."

Natsu stayed silent waiting for him to continue. He didn't really know what to say but it was clear that this was hard for Gajeel to talk about.

"While she was there a second explosion went off... I broke the rules to save her. I went solid and wrapped myself around her but the sudden brightness and the loud noise destroyed her sight and hearing. I wasn't quick enough... If I had of covered her sooner she would still be able to see at least. I hesitated and I wasn't fast enough... She was still hurt. She still got burned."

"How come I never heard about you breaking the rules?"

"Nobody ever found out. Everyone else that was there died and Levy wasn't stupid enough to talk about it. She knew she would just get sent to a mental hospital if she did... Now she is here and it's not much better. Nobody ever visits her anymore, guess they kind of forgot about her. She might never get released because she doesn't have the money for at home care and she doesn't have any family to care for her. All her friends from work died in the explosion and the ones who use to visit weren't close to her. She only has me now and I ain't much."

"Why are you telling me this? It's good you are opening up but you and I aren't exactly close."

"Because I want to show you what can wrong with getting attached to a human. Life isn't meant to mix with death. They are complete opposites. One day Levy will die and I will be the one who has to take her. I will have to say goodbye to her and I will never see her again. It's going to hurt real bad. It's not too late for you though. You can leave Lucy alone and forget."

"Levy would be dead without you. She is alive because death mixed with life. Lucy and Levy are alive because we broke rules."

"Some fates are worse then death Natsu. Levy will probably spend the rest of her life miserable and lonely. Lucy will probably spend her life being forced to do things she doesn't want to because her family expects more from her. Ever think maybe the afterlife would be kinder to them then life is?"

"No. You don't know what the future holds any more than I do so stop fucking around by guessing. Just be happy that you get as long as you do with her. Don't waste that time wishing you didn't know her. Don't be a coward."

"This isn't changing your mind at all is it?"

"If you regret knowing her why don't you take your own advice and just leave her alone?"

"I told you. It's too late for me." Gajeel growled.

"Yeah well it's too late for me too." Natsu growled back and Gajeel looked almost amused.

"You're in love with her?"

"I don't know what love feels like. All I know is that I couldn't leave her alone even if I wanted to. Even if it hurts me. I need to be near her and to protect her. I need to be there to take care of her always. It's more than just a feeling it's an instinct. I just need her to be happy and I'll figure out the rest as I go along."

"That's what love is kid. It's putting someone else's needs above your own. You're as screwed as I am."

Natsu just stood there with his arms crossed until Gajeel spoke again.

"What are you still doing here? Fuck off already. Go make your own mistakes, I don't need a witness for mine."

Natsu didn't bother to respond. He didn't care if Gajeel thought that Lucy was a mistake. He knew with everything he had that he would never regret Lucy.

* * *

Natsu stood in the corner of the room and watched Lucy. She looked beautiful in her gown. Her hair was curled and had pins all through it and her smile was pretty. It was fake. All of it. It wasn't Lucy and her smile was clearly just as much for show as the fancy dress and makeup. He knew her better.

Still he couldn't help but clench his fist every time a man approached her and asked to dance. She wasn't even allowed to decline, her fathers gaze told him that much.

He didn't even really know why he was their. He couldn't speak to anyone or dance with Lucy. He just couldn't bring himself to walk out when every so often Lucy's eyes would find him and she looked so relieved to see that he was still there.

So he stood, feet rooted to the floor and allowed his thoughts to wander to his conversation with Gajeel. Was he right? Had he fallen in love with Lucy? How could he tell for sure? What was so bad about him loving Lucy anyway? Her mother approved of him when he met her. That counted for something right?

Who would take better care of Lucy then him? The man who had sacrificed everything just so she could live.

_'You could never marry her, or meet her family or support her or give her children.'_

_'All you could do is sit around watching her grow old while you stay the same.'_

_'One day she will die, never having really lived her life the way she could have if you'd just stayed out of it._'

Natsu shook his head in an attempt to clear Gajeel's words from his mind. Still he couldn't help the questions that came from it.

He could never give Lucy kids... Did she even want kids?

Did she actually want to get married?

Could he ever even hope to give Lucy the life she actually wanted?

What kind of life did Lucy want?

All he wanted was to make her happy, but could he ever actually do that? He wanted to believe that he could but he couldn't help the doubt that found its way into his mind.

His eyes found Lucy again. She was dancing with someone new and her fake smile was starting to waver. Her eyes looked bored and every so often her brow would furrow as though she completely forgot how to keep her poker face.

Was he in love with her? How could he be certain about emotions when he had never felt them before? He had worked so hard to stop having them and now they confused the shit out of him.

Natsu was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a loud slap. He immediately started looking for Lucy only to see her being dragged away by her father. He ran after them, ignoring all the gasps and gossips as he ran. All he could focus on was the anger. The thought that Lucy's father may have slapped her.

"You embarrassed and disappointed me. I have been nothing but patient with you and this is how you repay me?" Natsu stopped beside Lucy who was looking at her father with a look of utter shock.

"He groped me! He sexually assaulted me. Do you expect me to do nothing?"

"I expect you to behave like a lady fit to bear the name of Heartfilia! Ladies do not slap people!"

Natsu only allowed a small moment of relief. Lucy hadn't been hit. She had been the one to do the hitting. Still, someone had hurt her and Natsu wanted nothing more than to hurt the one responsible. He was helpless.

"Ladies do not allow themselves to be disrespected and touched without their consent. It would make me look cheap if I just stood by while men touched me however they pleased! I am not an object!" Lucy's mask was completely gone now and the tears in her eyes and clenched fist were it's replacement.

"You are whatever I tell you to be!" Her father yelled and spit flew from his mouth in his state of anger.

"I am a person! You're my dad, why can't you treat me like a person?"

"You are a mistake."

Natsu wasn't sure if it was the look on Lucy's face that done it or if it was the ringing in his ears. He meant to hit Lucy's father. What he didn't mean, was for Lucy's father to feel it. It wasn't enough to knock him over like it should have. It wasn't even enough for the man to be certain that he had been hit. But Natsu felt the sting on his knuckles and see the looked of shock that crossed her fathers face. The man probably thought he was going insane. Lucy wasn't standing close enough to have even thrown a hit.

Good. Go insane and wallow in it you old piece of shit.

"Go to your room. Our deal is off. I will call on you tomorrow to sign betrothal papers. Until then I don't want to see you face.

Lucy didn't respond. She just ran to her room and Natsu followed. For the second time that day she closed the door and collapsed into Natsu's arms.

He didn't know what to say so instead he just said nothing. He just held her while she cried and hated the fact that She was even crying at all.

"Natsu, I am going to leave tomorrow. Can you be here in the morning to help me?"

"Yeah. I'll be here."

"And when I get a new place to live in, can you stay there with me when you aren't at work?"

"I'll be there Lucy. You won't be able to get rid of me." Natsu stroked her hair gently.

"I'm scared."

"I know. I'm here though. I will always be here for you and you never have anything to fear with me around."

"You hit my dad." Lucy gave the smallest giggle but it made Natsu's chest feel immensely lighter.

"I did."

"Was that against the rules?"

"Yup. Fuck the rules." Natsu chuckled and Lucy looked at him a small smile.

"You're the best. I couldn't imagine life without you."

Those few words were all Natsu needed to know that his questions didn't matter at all. All that mattered was that Lucy was okay. He would work out the rest somewhere along the way. As long as she was happy.

He never wanted to see her cry again. He wondered if Gajeel ever felt that way about Levy.

"Can I ask you a favour?" He whispered.

"Anything."

"If you ever decide that you don't want me in your life anymore, tell me. Don't hide it to spare my feelings. Tell me straight away."

"I'll never not want you in my life Natsu."

"I still want you to promise me."

"Okay, I promise I will always be honest about my feelings if you promise to always be honest about yours."

"Well then I have another favour... I have a friend who needs some help."

Natsu went on to explain his idea, half expecting Lucy to cut him off and tell him he was asking too much of her. He was pleasantly surprised when through his talking she started to smile.

"Consider it done. I'll take care of it the moment everything is settled and I find a place." Lucy beamed at him, clearly excited.

"You really are the best." He smiled affectionately at her.

"Let's just say we are both the best and call it even."

They settled down quickly after that. Natsu turned around so Lucy could get dressed then took his spot on her bed, listening to the sound of her breathing until her breaths turned into quiet snores.

Natsu spent the night contemplating his own emotions. What they meant and how the effected him. He thought about Lucy's emotions too. How would she feel if she knew the thoughts inside his head? He had promised to be honest about his emotions but how could he when it might cause her to hate him or to think differently of him. It didn't want them to change. Their friendship was one of the only things that made his existence enjoyable.

Maybe he was as screwed as Gajeel thought but he couldn't bring himself to dwell on it. He had his entire existence to be selfless. As long as Lucy wanted him around, he would stay by her side and take whatever she was willing to give him. He wanted so badly to be selfish, to take her and hold her in his arms and to never let her go. Yes, he wanted her and he wanted to be selfish.

_Just this once_.

* * *

_**A/N**_

_**Yes I know I promised an update of IFASL and it is coming! I just can't get happy with what I have written for it. There is something missing and I can't pinpoint what it is and I want it to be perfect because I love you guys and believe that you deserve it!**_

_**So please take this update of a completely different story as a peace offering. I wrong this after getting home from an 11 hour shift and it is currently nearly midnight so please don't think to terribly of me even if it isn't the update you wanted**_

_**I promise I am trying so hard but with working two jobs and doing Taekwondo plus a bunch of other things I can't really get into, I have been so exhausted and its making me doubt my writing because I don't want to disappoint any of you!**_

_**Thankyou to anyone who has been concerned about me! It means the world!**_

_**Anyway this A/N has gone on long enough**_

_**Please R/R or follow/favorite if you like this story! I work really hard on all my writing but this particular story has kinda became my favorite because (from what I know anyway) it hasn't really been done before.**_

_**You guys are amazing! Again I am so sorry if this wasn't the update you wanted to see but I promise I am working on it and I am also working On another disney themed one shot that should be ready soon!**_

_**Lots of love and well wishes!**_

_**BD4414 xx**_


	8. Chapter 8

Natsu stood beside Lucy as she looked around the empty apartment. It was small with two bedrooms and a kitchen that combined with the lounge room.

"I can't believe this is all mine!" Lucy squealed and jumped up and down.

"It looks great Lucy." Natsu smiled gently at her, enjoying the smile on her face. "I still can't believe you got it so quickly."

"It probably helped that I handed my landlady a years rent up front. Money talks after all." Lucy shrugged. "I am just really lucky that mum thought to set me up before she passed. I don't know what I would have done otherwise." Lucy looked down at the floor for a moment and Natsu could tell it was hard for her to talk about her mum. It always was.

"She would have been so proud of you Lucy. She loved you so much." Natsu put his hand on her shoulder but Lucy pulled away, shook her head and smiled.

"I am just glad you got to meet her. I bet she liked you a lot. She wouldn't want me to be sad so I won't be."

"I'm glad I got to meet her too." Natsu smiled before changing the subject. He still couldn't help the guilt that settled in the pit of his stomach. "Will you be okay living in such a small space though? You're old room was bigger than this entire apartment."

"Yeah, I love my new apartment. My old room was too big and it just made me feel lonely when you weren't around. This is much more cosy. I'm getting furniture delivered today and tomorrow, then it will really feel like home."

"You get things done fast."

"The power of the internet and money. I have more money then I could ever spend."

"Remind me why you still bother going to school with awful people?"

"Because I still want to be educated and be able to work for things in life."

"Mmm" Natsu mumbled before shrugging his shoulders. It wasn't up to him to decide what Lucy could or couldn't do with her life either way.

"Natsu I don't wanna be rude or anything but I have a few things I wanna get sorted out over the next week. It's kind of a surprise so could you maybe not pop around? Just for a week!" Lucy was looking at the ground and have an almost regretful look on her face. The thought of not seeing her for a week made his stomach churn and his throat close.

"Sure Luce, I can do that." He nodded, hoping he sounded more confident then he felt.

Lucy nodded thoughtfully before smiling. "Luce? I like it."

"Good. Bye Luce" Natsu waved before disappearing. He didn't see the sad look on Lucy's face or her arms reaching out to hug him before he left.

* * *

Day one without seeing Lucy.

Natsu threw himself into his work and managed to send five souls into the after life. He sat on a roof staring at the stars just as he had so many times before. He didn't believe they were once people or that when someone died they became a star. Lucy did, stars were important to Lucy.

To him? They were just flaming balls of gas.

* * *

Day two without seeing Lucy.

Natsu was feeling rather proud of himself. He had dealt with a rather difficult soul and managed to not get angry or call for help. He wanted to tell Lucy about it. He decided to write it down in the back of his notebook- where no names would be written- so he wouldn't forget to tell her.

* * *

Day three without Lucy.

Natsu was starting to over think. He tried not to but he couldn't help it. On one hand Lucy's behavior was a bit suspicious while she was apartment hunting. She was insistent that she needed at least two bedrooms. Why would Lucy need two bedrooms when there was only one Lucy? When she had decided to move out she had said that she wanted him around. She wanted him to stay with her. So why did she ask him to stay away?

He didn't like staying away. She made him feel normal. When he wasn't with her he felt just like he did before he met her. Like there was nothing to look forward to. Only an empty existence. He felt like he was losing her. The thought left a sour taste in his mouth, only he couldn't taste. He couldn't feel warmth or cold or anything.

* * *

Day four without Lucy.

He was more then halfway there. Did she miss him too? Or was she glad that he wasn't around? Natsu was lonely. There was no other way to put it.

That's how he ended up hanging out with Gray. Lisanna was apparently busy and Gajeel was a bit of a downer. So Gray it was.

"Not that I am complaining or anything but why aren't you hanging out with Lucy? You're usually glued to her or following her around like a lost puppy." Gray shrugged as they walked through the streets.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Trouble in paradise?" Gray smirked and Natsu shot him a glare. "Okay okay, no talking about Lucy." Gray held up his hands but kept his smirk regardless.

The walked silently for a while but Gray let out a sigh before opening his big mouth yet again.

"You know, it would be a lot easier for you in the long run if you just gave up on the whole 'Lucy' thing."

"Why does everybody keep saying that? What's so bad about me being friends with Lucy?" Natsu threw his hands in the air.

"Honestly? I like Lucy. She is really nice and I am glad you saved her but, what future can you possibly have with her. You won't give up. I get it. Just prepare yourself for the hurt that is going to come your way. Because it will come, there is nothing you can do to stop it. It's inevitable."

"Why do you sound like you are talking from experience?"

"Because I am. That's all you need to know." Gray's face held a pained expression. A sad smile and broken eyes.

Natsu developed a whole lot of respect for Gray in that moment.

"Enough of this serious talk. Fight me Flame Brain!" Gray shouted with his fist in raised. Natsu grinned and without warning, punched Gray in the face.

"Bring it on Ice Prick!"

* * *

Day five without Lucy.

Natsu sat on the edge of the roof, in comfortable silence beside Lisanna. Well that wasn't entirely true because he wasn't entirely comfortable. He had been thinking far too much over the past days to feel completely comfortable.

Could anyone blame him though? All he had to do was helping souls move on, hang out with his friends, and think. So much time to think but all that did was raise more questions in his scattered mind.

He looked at Lisanna and noticed that is was different. It didn't feel the same as when he looked at Lucy. Looking at Lucy made him feel as though he was invincible and vulnerable all at once. Like he could take on the world but if she touched him she could make him fall apart.

Why didn't he notice it before?

"Natsu? Earth to Natsu?" Natsu shook his head and realized that Lisanna was looking at him.

"What's up?"

"You were staring at me weird, its creepy. I hope you don't stare at Lucy like that, you might freak her out."

"I haven't seen Lucy in a few days. She wanted me to stay away for a few days."

"Don't be so melodramatic. Lucy is doing something really important but she misses you loads."

Natsu narrowed his eyes at Lisanna. "How would you know that?"

"You aren't the only one who Lucy is friends with you know? I hang out with her too." She shrugged her shoulders.

"When?"

"Often enough. We are best friends!"

"Nah ahh. No way. I am Lucy's best friend." Natsu pointed to himself with his thumb, grinning smugly.

"You're her best guy friend. I am her best girl friend. We are like sisters, she told me so!" Lisanna crossed her arms and smiled.

"Lucy has never said I am like her brother." Natsu frowned. Was Lisanna closer to Lucy than he was?

"Would you even want Lucy to think of you like a brother? That would be pretty gross."

"I am not gross!"

"I didn't mean it like that, you really are dense some times. Lucy likes you idiot!" Lisanna shook her head.

"Well of course she likes me. We are best friends after all."

"Not like that. You know what? Never mind. You'll find out sooner or later."

"Find out what?"

Lisanna smirked wickedly. "What that thing between your legs is for."

Natsu felt more confused then ever. He knew that humans used the things between their legs for things like urination. He also knew that Personifications existed in an exact likeness to humans so they wouldn't freak out when they saw them. What did that have to do with him or the thing between his legs? It's not like it was good for anything.

Lisanna must have seen the confusion written on his face because she commented. "You really haven't heard about the birds and the bees yet have you?"

"I know that bees make honey and that birds fly. You're just being confusing." He frowned. First she wanted to talk about his 'thing' then she wanted to talk about random animals.

"You really should have read your guide book before now. Do you really not know how babies are made? Its literally in the second chapter."

"Why do I need to know how they are made? I collect souls, I don't make them."

"Natsu. This conversation is about to become really awkward. Can you assure me you won't run off?"

"No."

Lisanna shook her head, looking amused.

"When humans are in love, they have sex. Sometimes they aren't actually in love, they just do it because it feels good. That's how babies are made." She said matter of factly .

"What's sex?" Natsu had heard about sex before, or rather he had heard the word.

Lisanna put her face in her hands and shook her head.

"This is going to be a longer conversation than I originally thought."

After about an hour of Lisanna explaining things, Natsu was feeling an array of emotions. Confusion was a big one but there was also awkwardness, embarrassment and the faintest hint of curiosity.

"Of course since us Personifications have no need to reproduce most of us are asexual or at least all somewhere on that spectrum. Sex can still feel enjoyable to some of us, but still not the same as it is for humans. It's more the emotional connection that feels good, or at least that's how it was for me when-"

"Okay I think I've heard enough for one day." Natsu stood up. He was confused enough as it was, he didn't need more questions added into the mix. Besides, it's not like he even needed to know all this stuff anyway. It's not like he was ever planning on having sex.

Unwillingly, an image of Lucy forced it's way into his brain. One that he very much doubted that she would approve of. Her moaning as she moved her hips against him, her eyes filled with emotions he couldn't quite place.

Natsu shook his head to clear it. No. He cared about Lucy too much to have those kind thoughts of her. She would tear his head off if she found out about it. It would ruin everything if she found out.

She didn't see him that way, so he couldn't see her that way.

By the time Natsu had finished his internal battle Lisanna was already gone and Natsu was alone with thoughts trying to invade his mind. He wouldn't let them. If he ignored them long enough they would go away. They would.

* * *

Day six without Lucy.

The sunrise was prettier than usual. The colours and the light the sun gave the world really seemed amazing when he actually thought about it. How could something that looked so small light up the entire world the way it did? The sun brought so much joy to the world. It gifted the earth with warmth and light. The sun was something he could appreciate... not like the useless stars.

"Oi I need your help!" Natsu looked to his side to see Gajeel, only Gajeel looked strange. His eyes were wild and his long hair looked like he had been pulling at it.

"What's wrong?" Natsu started to stand but yanked him up and held both his shoulders.

"It's Levy. She's gone, I can't find her anywhere and I can't go to anyone else for help. I gotta find her, what if she is in trouble? She can't see of hear so she can't be alone but she is and I don't know where and-"

"Gajeel! Calm down. We will find her but standing here rambling isn't going to help."

Gajeel nodded, looking at the ground.

"If something happens to her... I'm not ready to lose her yet. I can't lose her. Not yet."

Natsu nodded. For someone so big, Gajeel looked so small. If it was Lucy would this be how he acted?

"We need to split up. We will cover more ground that way. She is still alive, if she were dead we would know about it. If I find her i'll call on you okay?"

"Yeah, you're right. We will do that."

Natsu decided it was best to walk while he looked for Levy, so he wouldn't accidentally miss anything. After a few hours of not finding her he decided to do the one thing he really didn't want to.

Lucy had asked him for a week and he had given her six days. This was an emergency and Lucy could actually talk to people and find out if they had seen her. She could ring the hospital and find out things he and Gajeel couldn't. She would understand.

Still as Natsu stood outside her apartment he was struggling to knock. He had decided that using her door would be more polite, the worst she could do was tell him to go away. Except he didn't want to be told to go away. Not by her.

If Lucy was missing he would want the others to help him. Gajeel had come to him for help and if this was the best way to help then he had to do it. That thought alone did not make knocking any easier. Could he even actually knock?

Natsu reached out to touch the door and it didn't make a sound. Nope he couldn't knock. He would have to call out.

He cleared his throat and forced out her name. "Lucy."

Within seconds the door swung open, Lucy standing there, wearing shorts and a T-shirt with her hair down. It had grown since her father had forced her to cut it. Not to the length it once was but it went to What he could only assume would be an inch or so above her belly button.

The smile on her face made him feel lighten and released a weight on his shoulder the he hadn't realised was there.

"Did you lose track of days Natsu? You're one day early." She smiled through the mock scolding.

"I was counting the days Luce." He whispered back. He wanted to pull her against him and hold her there. Tell her...No beg her, to never make him stay away that long again.

Instead he just said "I need your help."

Lucy stayed silent while he explained explained everything. He told her about Gajeel and how worried he was. About how Levy couldn't find her way around by herself and about how hard it was for him to look for her when he couldn't speak to anyone. He didn't know where she could be or where she may have already been. Lucy just stood in the door way, nodding her head with a furrowed brow. When he was finally finished he looked at her and she was fiddling nervously with her hands.

"I know I am here early but please help us."

"Natsu, I kind of already know where Levy is." She whispered and Natsu eyed her suspiciously wondering how she could possibly know.

"Luce, what's going on?"

"I think it's better if I show you." Lucy opened the door wider and gestured for him to follow her.

Her apartment was now fully furnished. She had shelves filled with books -which was unsurprising- and a large television mounted to the wall. She had a pink lounge with pillows. He could see into her bedroom and noticed that it was set up almost the same as her old room but much smaller. It wasn't until Lucy walked to the spare room and opened the door that he realized what she had been up to.

The spare room was the same size as Lucy's but the decor was very different. A bed, a desk and mountains of books. Books written in a strange bumpy language that Natsu didn't recognize. Sitting on the bed- holding one of the dotted books and touching the pages- was Levy. Natsu noticed she was smiling and there was a contraption attached to her ears that wasn't there last time.

"This was my surprise. She isn't alone in a hospital bed anymore. Everything is set up for her and a nurse will come by a few times a week to check on her." Lucy whispered.

"What's that thing on her head?" Natsu asked absent mindedly.

"A hearing aid. She still can't hear very well, but it helps. She can make out works if you talk really slow and kind of shout and she can hear bumps and things like that. I've been looking into different options for surgery to help regain some of her senses. She can get a transplant in her eyes to regain some of her vision but she has to wait for a doner and even then it could be a long shot. The nurse says she seems a lot happier here than at the hospital and she tells me she is."

"I asked you to go visit her so she wouldn't be so lonely, I didn't expect you to do this." Natsu spoke in an awestruck tone. Still looking around the room at the effort Lucy had gone to.

"I did visit her. I actually originally planned for this to be your room but when I visited Levy I just... I knew I couldn't leave her there. She had nothing to do all day long besides sit around and read the same book over and over. So I spoke to her doctors and got there advice and made sure everything was set up in a way that they approved of. She came here last night, or rather, the hospital dropped her off. I had Brail signs put through the apartment and she has a cane so she isn't just confined to the bed room but when she realized how many books she had she didn't want to explore until she had read a few." Lucy giggled. It was only when she laughed did Natsu realize she had been talking in a hushed tone. Levy raised her head clearly having just picked up on the noise.

"Lu-chan?" Levy's voice was very loud.

"Yes, it's me! Do you need anything." Lucy wasn't exactly shouting but she was definitely talking louder than usual.

"No. Thankyou so much Lu-chan. Is Gajeel coming today?" Levy again spoke way louder than he expected from the tiny girl.

Lucy looked a Natsu and Natsu nodded.

"Yes. He will be here soon!"

That reminded Natsu to actually summon the oaf. He was probably still worried sick.

It was less than a minute before Gajeel appeared in front of them.

"Where is she? Is she okay?"

Natsu answered by pointing to the bed.

"Levy!" Gajeel rushed to her side and knelt down beside her, putting her hands around his and doing gestures.

"Gajeel, I can hear things again!" Levy smiled and tears formed in her blank, pale eyes as she pointed the contraption of her head.

"We should give them some privacy." Lucy whispered before tugging his hand and shutting the door behind them.

They moved the lounge and Natsu sat beside her, his mind pulling in so many directions that he wasn't sure what to say first.

"Gajeel said her hearing was completely destroyed. I didn't think anything could heal that?"

Lucy looked at him sadly. "Nothing can heal her ears but it wasn't completely destroyed. She just didn't have access to the kind of money it takes to buy the things that can help with things like that. It's all very expensive and insurance can only cover so much."

Natsu nodded. So Lucy had clearly spent a small fortune just to arrange this. On a whim none the less.

"Luce, why did you do this?"

"Honestly, for a lot of reasons. One was to help your friend but I also done it for Levy. We got along really well and I didn't want to leave her there. She wasn't keen on the idea at first because she knew it would cost a lot of money but I can be pretty persuasive."

She acted like it was no big deal. She had just changed someone's entire life for the better and here she was, talking as though it was the only possible thing to do. Natsu stared at her, her eyes were brown and warm but did they always sparkle like that? He had noticed them sparkling before but this seemed different some how.

Natsu leaned in slightly and his eyes moved down to look at her nose. It was small and had a few small freckles sprinkled across it. Were they always there?

He leaned in s tiny bit more and his eyes moved to her lips. They looked so soft and plump. Her tounge darted out to wet them before she closed her mouth again. They looked shiny and he wondered if they felt as soft as they looked. He leaned in a little more and noticed that she hadn't tried to pull away. He was close enough that he could feel the moment when she held her breath. His eyes drifted shut and he held still. What would Lucy taste like? How would her lips feel against his?

He wanted to know and she wasn't telling him to stop.

He moved his hand to tangle it in her hair and was just about to close the distance between them when the sound of someone coughing forced them to jump back. Gajeel was standing in front of them. He looked at Natsu for a second, his expression sad but it changed immediately when he looked at Lucy.

"You done this for Levy? You took her away from that place and have made sure she is taken care of?"

Lucy nodded and Gajeel fell to his knees, his head bowed.

"Thankyou. Thankyou so much. I can never repay you for this but if there is ever anything you need that is in my power to give, ask and it's yours."

Natsu had never seen Gajeel like this. He looked like he would be crying if he could even cry. Lucy stood from the couch and pulled Gajeel up to stand.

"You know, I already have one Personification practically living here. If you wanted to stay here when you aren't at work to be closer to Levy, you are welcome to. Just stay out of mine and Natsu's room unless you knock first okay?" Lucy beamed and Natsu felt like he would choke.

Mine and Natsu's room. Their room. Our room. That's what she had meant right? It was his room too.

That thought alone filled Natsu with a warmth the past six days had been lacking. He had a room. A home with Lucy.

That was so much better than just having a spot.

* * *

A/N

So while I am writing this A/N I am currently a bit of a mess. As many of you know I live in Australia. More specifically I live in NSW Australia. As some of you may or may not know, NSW and QLD both are experiencing a lot of Bush fires. In the area I live the schools have been shut and when you go outside you can smell the smoke.

Many of the fires are completely out of control and emergency services have come from Tasmania and WA to help but many of them are spreading rapidly with the wind.

I have been told to stay on alert because if the fire gets much closer we will need to evacuate. Help won't come, there is no help because all the fire crews are busy in other areas working non-stop. I have bags packed and am prepared for the worst but if this does happen updating will be made impossible for quite some time

Hundreds have lost their homes already.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this. I wish safety and prayers to any readers who live in Aus and are also effected by the fires.

I will try to update as soon as I can xx love and well wishes to all of you


	9. Chapter 9

Natsu smiled as he looked at the open window. Today it had been one month since Lucy had moved into the apartment. That window led to the lounge room/kitchen area and boy did he love climbing it. Every time he climbed it felt like he was going home. For so long he had nothing to go home to, or a home at all for that matter.

They had fallen into a comfortable pattern within the first week of him staying there. Every morning he would go to work and Lucy would go to school. Natsu would get through as many deaths as possible to meet his quota so he wouldn't get called upon through the night. Night time was time he treasured.

He would sit on the couch and watch the television with Lucy. He found that he quite enjoyed the television. Often Lucy and Levy would eat together and he would just occupy himself. Gajeel was there but mostly stayed confined to Levy's room.

Natsu thought Levy seemed nice but he couldn't really talk to her since she couldn't see him and he couldn't go solid like Gajeel. Often she and Lucy would trade shouting for just signing against each others hands. Natsu didn't even realise that Lucy knew sign language until she had done it. He also didn't know it was even called sign language.

There was still the annoying thoughts that wedeled their way into his mind when Lucy was sleeping and he was pretending. He did his best to ignore them. He didn't need to know the specifics of what he felt for Lucy and he had no real way of knowing what his feelings were without getting more opinions. He did not want more opinions.

He like the way things were. Thinking too hard about it might change things. He didn't want anything to change, he didn't want to know the answers to questions if the answers might not be the ones he wanted. It wasn't worth the risk.

He just wanted to enjoy this while it lasted. He wasn't stupid, he knew it couldn't last forever no matter how badly he wanted it. No matter how much he ignored the fact it didn't make it any less true and no matter how true the fact was, it wouldn't stop him from trying to ignore it.

Natsu's thoughts were once again interrupted by him disappearing. Damn it. He must have one more job for the day.

The home he reappeared in was nice, or at least the bedroom was. A small old lady was in the bed, if he didn't know any better he would assume she was sleeping.

"Are you the one who will take me to my husband?" Natsu turned around to see the soul staring at him with an excited smile. He returned her smile with a warm one of his own.

"Yes. He is waiting for you." It was okay to lie. Lisanna had told him lying was sometimes for the better.

"Well then let's get this show on the road." She took his hand willingly though he could feel that she was shaking slightly.

"How long were you married?"

"Dear boy, I met my husband when I was thirteen and he was fifteen. We got married a week after I turned eighteen and we were married for fifty three years before he died."

"Wow that is a long time."

"It didn't seem long enough at the time. I lost my best friend the day I lost him. Our children and grandchildren kept me going though."

"How many children do you have?"

"I have two children and they both have to children of their own." The old lady smiled. "What about you? Do you have a wife or kids?"

"Do I look old enough to have those things?" Natsu chuckled as they walked. He couldn't see himself but in Lucy's drawing he didn't look too old. Maybe older than sixteen but not older than nineteen, or twenty if he was pushing it.

"Oh I do apologize. At my age everyone looks young and it's hard to guess ages. Well when you are old enough to have those things you will feel very happy I am sure. The day I had my son was the happiest day of my life."

"I can't have those things so I guess I'll never know." Natsu smiled but felt a pain in his chest that wasn't there before. Still the wall of light was now in front of them so at least he wouldn't have to talk about it anymore. "We are here now, tell your husband 'hi' for me okay?"

"I will, thankyou! You are truly a sweetheart. If a girl ever does snatch you up she will be a very lucky lady." The woman smiled and waved as she walked through the light.

Lucky? He didn't think so. The harsh reality was that he had nothing to offer. No kids or marriage or future. He couldn't grow old or grow up.

It reminded Natsu of a story that Lucy had read to him about a boy who would never grow up. He envied that boy. At least he had a choice.

* * *

"Lucy, what's wrong?" He walked into their room and Lucy was laying in bed looking pale and wet.

"Just a little sick. It happens to humans some times." Lucy reassured him.

"Oh. Is there anything I can do to help?" He lingered by the bed, not wanting to annoy her if she wanted to be alone.

"Yeah. Is there any chance you can rub my head? It hurts."

"Oh, yeah sure." Natsu layed down next to Lucy and proper himself up on one arm while using the other to run his fingers through her hair against her scalp. Lucy hummed and sighed as she relaxed against him. He was only doing it for about thirty seconds before she let out a giggle.

"What's so funny?" Natsu smiled.

"I was just thinking that sometimes it seems like we are an old married couple."

"An old married couple huh? And what's life like as an old married couple?" He teased.

Lucy hummed thoughtfully for a moment. " Well pretty much the same as it is now except we have kids and grandkids and stuff like that I guess."

"How many?"

"Kids or grandkids?"

"Both."

"Well we have two kids. Twins, a boy and a girl. They only have one kid each though because they hated always sharing everything."

Natsu thought about it for a moment. He closed his eyes and really picture it. He had never really thought about what it would be like to have kids before, because it's not like he could anyway. Thinking of it now filled him with a longing so bad that it hurt.

"Or we would be one of those married couples who doesn't have kids at all, just travels the world seeing everything there is to be seen. Making memories and doing lots of stupid but wonderful things." Lucy added. Did she know he couldn't have kids? Was she changing he dreams about life for him?

He thought about the two futures. Both sounded too good to be true but neither was actually possible. He couldn't travel, he had to stay where he was and collect souls. At most he could go to different towns and states but not to different country entirely. He couldn't give Lucy any kind of dream, no matter how much she altered to fit him into them.

"Lucy, do you want kids one day?"

"No, not really. My whole life I was raised to believe that my only purpose was to marry well and pop out as many kids as possible to carry on the family name. Now I have a choice in the matter and the thought of having a kids just doesn't seem like something I would want. Is that selfish?"

"No, it's not selfish."

"What about you? Do you want kids one day?"

"I couldn't have them even if I did." He did. He really did.

"Oh, Lisanna never told me that."

"Just what did Lisanna tell you?"

"Girl talk, you don't need to know." Lucy smiled and yawned. Natsu continued to run his fingers through her hair until she closed her eyes and soft snores soon followed.

The more he thought about his conversation with Lucy the more he wanted to run away. She would eventually, to go see the world with whatever husband she chose. If he beat her to the punch would it hurt less? Natsu stood from the bed and walked out to the living room. He wanted to go to the kitchen, turn on the tap and wet his face. He hated that he couldn't.

His inner turmoil was interrupted by Gajeel coughing. Natsu looked at him and seen him sitting on the couch with his arms behind his head.

"What are you doing out here? You never leave your room." He knew that he sounded rude, but screw it. He didn't care.

"I'm waiting for you actually."

"Why?"

Gajeel stood up and walked toward him, only stopping when they were standing directly across from each other. Any onlooker would think they were about to fight. Not that anyone could see them.

"I don't like owing people. Your girlfriend done me a serious solid and I want to return the favour by doing you a solid. Literally." Gajeel smirked

"What the fuck do you mean, literally?"

"I'm going to teach you how to go solid."

"You said I wasn't ready for that."

"You aren't. I think it's a terrible idea to teach you and I think you will eventually use it to break the rules. Neither of those things are my problem. My problem is that I have a debt that needs paying and this is the only way I can think of. You want it or not?"

Natsu thought about it. If he could go solid he could be seen by humans, he could go out with Lucy and protect her from pervy guys and she wouldn't have to look crazy when she held his hand. The thought of that made his chest swell and his head giddy.

"I'm fired up!"

So he added lessons with Gajeel to his routine. Every night after Lucy fell asleep he practiced. He worked until he hurt then he kept going because maybe... just maybe if he could go solid, he could be a part of Lucy's dreams after all. Even if it was only a small part, it was enough for him.

* * *

Natsu looked down a the soul. A child. He really disliked having to take children. He could the sounds of people crying but done his best to drown them out.

"I don't wanna go." The child's voice was strained and tearful. She was so small but she looked smaller once she spoke.

"I'm sorry. You have to go and I have to take you. I don't have a choice." His teeth clenched and he had to force out the words.

"But mumma! I don't wanna leave mumma. Can she come too?" The child shouted though her voice sounded so broken.

"No. She can't I'm sorry." Natsu's chest felt tight and the weight on his shoulders was enough to make him feel as though he would be crushed beneath it.

"Then I am not going!" The child ran away from him and towards a woman amongst the group of people. "Mumma! I'm here mumma!" The girl reached her arms out as she ran toward the woman, right before she passed through her. The girl looked down at her hands then to her mum before reaching her arms out to try again... and again... and again. "Mumma! Please hold me mumma! I want you to hold me mumma." The last words came out as broken sobs before the child sank to the floor and wrapped her hands around herself.

Natsu walked up to the child and put his hand on her shoulder. She didn't understand she was dead, how could she? He was just a bad man trying to take her away from her mum. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He bit out before he picked up the child. She tried for one last attempt to reach out and grab her mothers arm but her hand passed through it.

"Mumma! Don't let him take me mumma! Don't let him take me!" She screamed as she kicked and wailed against him.

"I'm so sorry. I don't have a choice." Natsu would have cried it that moment, if only he could cry.

Eventually the child stopped fighting and sobbed. Natsu done the only thing he could think of to sooth her. He didn't know many songs, but he knew one that he had heard Lucy sing sometimes while she looked up at the sky.

_"Twinkle Twinkle little star_

_How I wonder what you are_

_Up above the world so high_

_Like a diamond in the sky"_

He wasn't much of a singer. He knew as much. But the small a girls sobs had gone quiet and her breathing had evened out. He had helped her in the only small way her could. It wasn't much but it was something.

It did nothing to make him feel better.

* * *

Four souls later he was finally able to go home. He walked into the bedroom to find Lucy sitting in bed, above the covers and reading a book.

"Finally feeling better?" He hoped she was. Her being sick was starting to worry him. He knew nothing about human sickness of how long it lasted.

"Yeah, was just a nasty head cold. I think I'll go out tomorrow for a bit. Want to come?"

"Where are we going?" Natsu couldn't help the excitement that bloomed in his chest. He knew it would be smart to squash it down. She didn't feel like that about him. She was his best friend, hoping for more than that was just plain stupid.

"I was thinking maybe to the park, it's beautiful this time of year but it won't be that way much longer. Let's enjoy it while we can." Lucy enjoyed the little things. That much was becoming clear to him. She enjoyed the stars and flowers.

"Sure. Sounds great!"

"Okay, what book do you want to read tonight?" She smiled, walking towards her bookshelf. She really did owe more books than he ever thought one person could read.

"You pick, I picked last time."

Lucy picked a book called 'The fault in our stars'. It figured that she would pick something that had to do with stars, only that book wasn't about stars at all. It was about a teenager who got sick, found love and then her boyfriend died. He didn't enjoy the book but Lucy thought it was romantic. Natsu really didn't get how death could be romantic or sweet. It didn't make sense to him.

He tried not to think about the souls he had collected that day. He knew it was all part of the job, he couldn't let it effect him. It still did. The souls he had taken weighed on him constantly. A burden he would continue to bear for however long humanity existed.

* * *

"Natsu, this is beautiful!" Lucy exclaimed as she spun and twirled through the park. She was like a whirlwind, going from one thing to another. One moment she was still and admiring the beauty of one thing and the next she was distracted by something else entirely.

He was more than content to just watch her. She was more beautiful to him than anything the park had to offer.

He had spent many a night thinking about his feelings for Lucy. He had come to the conclusion that it didn't matter. She looked at him as a friend and so a friend he would be.

He had no idea what he would do or say if she ever wanted more, but he doubted he would ever need to anyway. He was happy with things how they were.

Lucy attempted a cartwheel and Natsu cringed when she got half way through before falling over. She just layed in the grass and laughed, so he laughed too.

Soon it was getting late, and the sun was leaving the sky to be replaced by the stars he thought were pointless.

"Is it okay with you if we stop on the way home to get something to eat?" Lucy looked at the sky as she spoke. What was she thinking about?

"Sure why wouldn't it?"

"Well you can't eat anything so I didn't want to hold you up if you had something else you wanted to do." Lucy shrugged. She looked nervous and fiddled with her hands.

"I think I am finished for the day, unless someone dies in my area all I have to do is spend time with my best friend and enjoy myself." Natsu smiled. He didn't like the way her eyes widened or the furrow that came to her brow but knew better then to question it. He was bad at understanding human emotions. He didn't want to get it wrong.

The walk to the take away was silent but he noticed it looked different from the walk to the park. The take away wad in a different direction from the apartment and Lucy knew her way better than he did. He tried to ignore her shy glances at him, he didn't know what they meant.

"I might grab something for Levy too, just in case she hasn't eaten yet." Lucy murmured more to herself than to him.

When they reached their destination Natsu waited outside while Lucy organized the food. She came out after not too long holding a few bags. He wished he could carry them for her.

He let her lead the way on the walk home. It wasn't long before Lucy broke the calm silence between them.

"What if I want to be more than just your best friend?" That stopped Natsu in his tracks. It was completely dark and only a few street lights lit their path. Nobody was around to see how crazy Lucy would look talking to thin air.

"What do you mean?" He didn't know why he whispered. The words fell from his lips and hope bloomed in his chest before he had the chance to squash it down.

"I mean, what if I wanted to be more than friends. What if I wanted to be with you... as more." Her eyes were so wide as she looked at him. If he had a heart he was sure it would be beating out of control in this moment.

"What kind of more?" He resented how desperate he sounded.

"I don't know how to explain it... Like Gajeel and Levy kind of more. Like love each other and be together always kind of more."

Gajeel and Levy kind of more... Suddenly Gajeel's words hit him fast and hit him hard, before he could stop them.

You could never marry her, or meet her family or support her or give her children. All you could do is sit around watching her grow old while you stay the same. Then one day she will die, never having really lived her life the way she could have if you'd just stayed out of it.

"Lucy." he took a step toward her and put his hand on her cheek. She leaned into his hand and closed her eyes. "You don't want that with me." Her eyes snapped open again.

"I do. You're the only one I have ever wanted it with." Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. He wanted more than anything to just take her at her words and kiss the daylights out of her.

"Lucy... with me, you would have no future. You could never have kids-"

"I don't want kids." She interrupted but he continued anyway. Ignoring the lump in his throat.

"You could never travel-"

"I don't need to!" Lucy pulled away from his hand and stomped her foot.

"You could never get married-"

"I don't need to! I don't need any of that!" The tears in the corner of her eyes now leaked down her face and Natsu hated himself for it. "If you don't love me back that's fine. I don't like it but I can live with it. Just stop making excuses and reject me." Lucy spoke through clenched teeth, he fist held right at her side's and she wouldn't even look at him.

He walked close to her and put his hand on her cheek again.

"Lucy, I do love you." He whispered and she looked up at him. He face streaked in tears. It was only when he said the words out loud that he realized how true they were.

"Then why don't you want to be with me?" She sniffled.

"Because I love you Lucy."

"I don't understand."

"Because it would take your future away from you. You would have to change so much just to accommodate me. So many of your dreams... I can't let you do it. I want to be selfish with you, but I can't. My whole existence, I have never had the luxury of wanting anything. Yet now, when I have finally found something I so desperately want, I can't even bring myself to take it... because I love you, and I can't be selfish. Not with you."

Every word he spoke caused the pain in his chest to grow but he couldn't stop them from coming out. He looked at Lucy and she backed away from him... and as she ran.

"Lucy!" He shouted as he chased her but she didn't stop. He didn't expect her to.

It was only when she ran past an ally way that he seen the man who was standing in it. Right as he grabbed her a hold of Lucy and dragged her in. She screamed but nobody was around to hear and Natsu ran as fast as he could to catch up.

If he had of been thinking he would have just vanished and reappeared in the ally, but he wasn't thinking.

By the time he reached the ally way Lucy was on the ground , unconscious as the man groped at her.

"Sweet little Blondie, you will be so much fun." The man hissed.

"Let her go!" Natsu ran up and tried to rip the man off but his hands went straight through.

"Get off of her!" He screamed so loud he could feel the tear in his throat.

He punched, he pushed he kicked.

He willed himself to go solid to no avail. The man was tearing at Lucy's clothes and Natsu couldn't do a thing about it.

Natsu grabbed his medallion and called for help. More specifically he called for Gray. Gray could go solid. Gray was his friend and had broken rules to help him before. Gajeel didn't owe him anything but Gray didn't need to... He would help.

He could see the blood starting to pool around her head. He felt the feeling of disappearing through his body but nothing was happening.

A ringing was humming in his ears and sending chills down his spine.

No.

No.

No.

He grabbed his note book from his bag and opened it to his list.

The letter "L" clearly forming on a new line.

In that moment only one thing went through his mind. Save Lucy. He had to save her. Fuck the consequences. Fuck whatever else happened to him.

If someone was meant to die then someone would die, but it wouldn't be Lucy. Not her.

Natsu crossed out the line where her name had started to form and concentrated on the man who was hurting her. When the mans name formed above his head in black letters Natsu wrote it down. Letter for letter. Until the man stopped what he was doing and collapsed, still on top of Lucy.

Gray appeared with Lisanna in tow. Both of their smiles quickly disappeared as they took in the scene infront of them.

"Lucy!" Lisanna shouted as she ran to her. Natsu stayed planted she he was. "We need to get her to a hospital."

Grays face was drained of colour as he looked at Natsu. "What did you do?"

Natsu fell to his knees in front of Gray. Everyone was ignoring the soul of the man who hurt Lucy, who seemed to be in shock from his sudden demise.

"Please help her. I'll do anything. Just get her to a hospital."

"You better tell me what happened later I swear Natsu." Gray hissed before going walking over to pick up an unconscious Lucy and running from the ally with her in his arms.

"Natsu, what happened?" Lisanna whispered but Natsu's attention was drawn the the soul standing in the corner.

"You." He hissed as ran toward the soul with his fist ready this time he knew they would connect. It wouldn't hurt but he didn't care. "You hurt her!" Punch. "You nearly killed her!" Punch. "She is my only light and you nearly took her away from me." Crack.

Natsu was panting and every work he spoke came out as an angry snarl.

"Get the fuck outta here. I'm not taking you anywhere. Your soul can rot for all I care." He panted and Lisanna looked on with a worried stare.

"Natsu... you have to take him. He will fester." She whispered

"I don't care. His name is on my list and unless I transfer it to you, it's up to me to decide what happens to him. He. Doesn't. Go. Anywhere." Natsu hissed and the soul ran away.

"Natsu... you have no idea what you have just done." Lisanna whispered but Natsu wasn't listening, he was already disappearing to the hospital. To Lucy. Nothing else mattered to him in that moment.

* * *

A/N

Hey everyone! I wanted to get this update out while I could, just incase something happens and I have to make you all wait.

So far things have been okay, we are still on alert but haven't had to evacuate. There are lots of fires that are uncontained and some at emergency level and now we have the worry of people lighting fires in the area. Why people are doing this I will never know but a few have been arrested for it.

With any luck we will stay safe but we are still prepared for the worst. My uncle lost his house already so it's all hitting pretty hard atm. Thankyou all for your support and understanding

It honestly means the world to me right now

Writing is helping keep my mind off things though so I will try and continue to keep updates coming as long as I can

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter

Honestly your reviews are helping keep me sane right now

My thoughts and prayers are with anyone else living in Australia who is effected by these fires

Lots of love and well wishes to everyone!


	10. Chapter 10

The room was almost completely empty and silent. Only the beeps of the machines attached to Lucy gave background noise.

She looked so small and fragile. Everything about her screamed with how breakable she really was, from her tiny stature to the cuts and bruises that decorated her skin. Natsu couldn't be certain, but he was pretty sure that there would be even more marks in the places covered with clothes or blankets.

He watched her intently for any sign of change. He didn't tear his eyes from her for even a second. Not to blink and not to close his eyes. Every time he closed his eyes the image of her, unconscious, bleeding and helpless assaulted his mind.

His fault. This was all his fault.

If he hadn't of let her run... if he had of been strong enough to make himself solid. He could have done something. He could have stopped her from being this hurt.

Gray had practically dumped her in the ER before leaving. He didn't allow anyone to get a look of him, not even the cameras. It was like he was never there.

Smart move. Gray always was smarter than him.

Her father had visited, only to make sure it was actually Lucy. He had left only minutes after he arrived with the same disappointed expression he always wore in regards to her.

"Natsu, I can't keep covering for you like this. Not when you keep shutting us all out." Lisanna spoke. He hadn't even heard her enter the room, though that didn't surprise him much.

"I can't leave her side. I need to be here when she wakes up." His voice cracked from lack of use and he still refused to take his eyes off Lucy.

"Listen. Gray and I have been splitting your deaths between us for over a week. We have been working constantly just to cover for you and you won't even keep us updated. We haven't told anyone what happened and we have been doing out best to keep you under the radar so you can stay here. Even Gajeel has been covering for you when Erza asks questions. You owe us."

"I'll make it up to you when she wakes up. I'll make up for everything."

"And if she doesn't? Are you going to break the rules again?"

The words echoed through his mind. Would he? Would he really risk it?

Yes. Yes he would. He didn't say that though.

"I have to tell her I am sorry. I have to make it all up to her." For a moment Natsu thought he was going to cry, but that was impossible.

"Natsu, what exactly happened that night?" Lisanna touched his arm and that was all it took for him to tell her everything. How he felt and what he said. How he had broken Lucy's heart and how he hadn't been quick enough to run after her. The words poured from him like rain from the sky.

"Natsu. It's not your fault that Lucy ran. But you shouldn't have broken the rules like that. If Lucy was meant to die then-"

"How can you say that? She is your friend too, how can you honestly say that she is meant to die?" Natsu didn't have the energy to shout but that didn't stop the venom in his words.

"Do you honestly think that this is better then death?" Lisanna gestured to the still sleeping Lucy. "The world is rejecting her Natsu! What time she does have was time stolen from her mother and that man you killed. Whatever time they would have had is now given to Lucy but nobody knows how long that is. What if Lucy dies again? Are you going to keep bringing her back until she is an old lady no matter how many people have to die in the process."

Natsu tried to ignore the sense behind her words but he couldn't. He couldn't argue back no matter how much he wanted to. He was never a good liar.

"I love her." He took his eyes away from Lucy for the first time in over a week. The expression on Lisanna's face was filled with pity and he hated it.

"And other humans have people who love them too. You don't get to decide who's life is more important just because one of them is more important to you. Lucy's death is not just a possibility, it's completely inevitable and you are going to have to learn to come to terms with that. Her time is not promised she could die in a week or she could live to be a hundred. You don't know."

Natsu slammed his hand on the bed next to Lucy's. "Please... I am begging you to stop. I can't listen to this any more! I can't keep thinking about the fact I'm going to lose her... or that I almost did. What if it was your boyfriend! What if it was Bickslow laying here instead of Lucy?"

Lisanna glared and took a step back. "I have been with him longer than you have existed. Stop thinking that you love Lucy more than anyone has ever loved anyone else because that's not true. I get it you are hurting but I am trying to help you. Don't bring my boyfriend into this."

"What? You don't like imagining being in my position. I know that my love with Lucy is doomed okay? You get to spend eternity with yours and I will get another 80 years if I am lucky. Though with how things are going I doubt it will be that long. I don't need to be reminded and I really don't need to hear it when I am already worried enough that she might die here." Natsu had stopped yelling. His voice was soft and defeated and he felt as though his words were choking him. "I just wish I was human or that Lucy was like us. I would trade an eternity of existence for just one normal life with her."

"I'm sorry. I really am. I wish there was something I could do. Gray will be here soon, I didn't tell him what you done with that soul and I suggest you don't either. He has history with things like that." Lisanna looked at the ground and disappeared.

Natsu fell back into his routine of watching Lucy and letting time pass by him. He didn't need a clock to count the number of breaths she took or the number of times her heart beat. He had the noises the machines made to do that.

As he sat he thought about Layla, wherever she was. Did he make her proud when he saved Lucy again or did he just prolong the amount of time she would spend away from her daughter? Could she see him now? Could she see at all or had she faded into nothingness?

He wished he had answers to these questions. Maybe if he knew where Lucy would go when she died, it would make it easier to let her go. He could do it. He could be selfless enough to let her go and never see her again if he knew that she was going somewhere nice. Somewhere she could be with her mum. Only he didn't know that, he didn't know anything and he never would.

Sometimes nurses would come into the room to check on Lucy. Natsu didn't understand what they did but he guessed that it was important. Whatever it was didn't take long.

* * *

He felt Grays hand on his shoulder before he actually seen him. This time he took his eyes off Lucy to actually look at Gray, who's eyes were sad and understanding.

They sat in comfortable silent for a while both staring at Lucy, looking for any change at all. The twitch of a finger or the flicker of her eyelids. Nothing changed. She was a still as ever.

"You know, I get it. Why you killed that guy. I probably would have been tempted to do the same thing when I was as young as you." Gray looked at Natsu, but Natsu continued to look at Lucy.

"I know it was stupid and I know that if you or Lisanna didn't cover for me that I would be in a shit load of trouble right now. Thankyou for everything. Lucy probably would have died anyway if it wasn't for you. You broke the rules for me and I'll never be able to pay you back for it."

"Stop talking like that. All sullen and shit. Where's your fire gone?" Gray's mouth was pulled into a teasing half grin but Natsu just sighed, his shoulders slumped with lack of energy. "You know, you are a hell of a lot like me when I was your age."

"We don't age remember?" Natsu scoffed. "Besides, you were probably a lot smarter. Probably weren't silly enough to fall in love with a human and then nearly get her killed running away from you."

"Well, I one upped you there. I fell in love with a soul and watched her destroy herself."

Natsu's head snapped up to look at Gray, his friends head was hung with shame. He didn't know what to day so he just waited for Gray to continue.

"Her name was Juvia. I was tasked with collecting her soul. I was a rookie who didn't read my book, just like you. I mean how hard could it be right? Walk to soul to the barrier then move onto the next one. I didn't think about what would happen if the soul didn't wanna move on. Then I met her and she just wouldn't. She refused to go. I was lonely... so fucking lonely. I thought, what's the harm in Just letting her follow me around for a bit? She wouldn't get lost and I would have someone to hang out with."

"What happened when other people died?"

"She came with me to collect them. She was amazing with the kids, carried them and played with them the whole way. Then they would walk through and she wouldn't. She was so hard headed and stubborn. Annoying as fuck at times. But she was kind, so damn kind. I thought it would all be okay, she could just hang with me for eternity. I didn't know... I didn't understand that souls were not meant to stay amongst the living." Gray paused for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. "I thought we had forever, but we only had a few months before her souls started to become damaged. It happens at different rates for everyone but it's always inevitable. She started to rot. She became angry and before I knew it she wasn't Juvia anymore. She was like a demon... Erza had to get rid of her. Once a soul festers it becomes to tarnished to move on. It can't go to the afterlife anymore... It ceases to exist entirely."

"Fuck. I don't know what to say." Natsu whispered. He really was clueless. He didn't know how to handle situations like this. How could he possibly make Gray feel better?

"You know the worst part? There is zero chance that she still exist somewhere. At least when humans die there is a chance that their soul went somewhere better. Juvia became nothing. Everyone who would have known her would be long dead by now so even her memory is non existent." Gray reached into his bag and pulled out a piece of paper. On it, a girl with curly hair and shining eyes. A sad look on her face. The photo was black and white. "I stole this from her house. She lived alone so I knew nobody would miss it. Erza helped. She is a stickler for rules but she knew my punishment was enough. She thought I deserved at least something to help ease the guilt. It didn't ease anything but at least I know I will never forget her face or what she looked like. I wish she was smiling. I miss her smile."

"Is that the reason why you were so hard on me when I broke the rules?" Natsu looked at Gray who nodded.

"Yeah. I just... I wanted to save you a little pain. I done a shit job but at least now you know it could be worse right? At least when Lucy passes her soul will still be out there somewhere. We know that much."

"Maybe Juvia is out there somewhere too? I mean, we don't really know enough about festered souls to prove otherwise but they do create a lot of energy. That can't just disappeared. Just because there isn't proof of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist right?"

Gray gave the smallest smile and tilted his head to look from the ground to Natsu. "Thanks man. That actually helps a bit."

Natsu nodded and grinned. "Maybe I am the smart one after all."

"Nah, you're still a bit of an idiot." Gray chuckled and the too fell back into comfortable silence. Watching over Lucy.

It was that conversation that made him transfer the soul of Lucy's attacker to Lisanna who warned him that it might take a while to track down. Still he knew it was the right thing to do. After all Gray had done, Natsu didn't want to betray him by allowing a soul to turn foul. Not with the information he knew now.

It was also what prompted him to reach into his bag and take out his book. If for nothing more than to kill time while waiting for Lucy to wake up.

* * *

**_'A personification can not age, reproduce or die. They can not be injured by human weapons. However they can cease to exist if destroyed by another personification or if they try to enter the afterlife.'_**

**_'Destroying another personification is strictly forbidden.'_**

**_'Revealing ones self to humans is highly frowned upon.'_**

**_'A personification can not have a direct effect on the human world in front of a human unless solid state is achieved. A personification can however make limited contact with certain objects if a human is not around to see it and if it does not pose any risk of being revealed. If a human is around contact becomes even more limited unless in solid state.'_**

**_'It is a Personifications role to maintain balance between life and death. If death were to cease new life would become impossible and vice versa.'_**

**_'If in a proper solid state a personification should be able to do most things that a human can. This is so we can continue to find the most effective ways in helping them move on. If a human refuses to move on the soul will putrify and cause harm to the balance. This kind of research should only be done with approval from ones supervisor.'_**

**_'There are still things about existance and life that we do not understand. If any new discoveries are made, please report them.'_**

**_'Doing anything to throw off the balance between life and death is forbidden.'_**

Everything he read was boring and felt like it had been written by a robot. The books Lucy read to him were so much better. He was only on the second chapter when he gave up entirely. It felt like there was nothing he didnt already know from experience.

The sound of footsteps entered the room and Natsu's head snapped up at the sight of doctors surrounding Lucy's bed and wheeling her away. They spoke about test in words that he didn't know the meaing of.

Natsu looked around the empty room. Then pulled out his notebook to a list of names. He had been transferring them all to Lisanna and Gray but now he didn't even have Lucy to watch.

He stretched his arms and stood up from the chair. He would just do one. Just to pass the time until Lucy got back. He had to be there when she woke up.

* * *

When Natsu appeared again he was happy to see that the death wasn't a violent one. He didn't think he could handle a soul who had a violent death right now.

"Hey man. Are you lost too?" The man who spoke looked to be in his early twenties.

"What makes you think you are lost?" Natsu questioned. His curiosity and boardem getting the better of him.

"Well I am dead. I always thought that when I died there would be some kind of light for me to pass through or tunnel of some sort but I've looked and can't find anything. So how did you bite the big one?"

"Bite the big one?" Natsu raised his brow and the soul released and exaggerated sigh.

"Ya know, die, Bite the big one, Croak, go belly up. We you home schooled?"

Natsu chuckled. "I'm not dead. I am here to take you to the afterlife."

"Oh so like the grim reaper!"

Natsu opened his mouth to argue but just shook his head. "Sure. Something like that. You ready?"

"About as ready as I'll ever be. Haven't go anything better to do now." The soul shrugged and followed him.

The soul was a fast walker and the time went by quickly when they got to the wall of light.

"Wow. That looks cool, do I walk through it?"

"Yeah." Natsu nodded.

"Well thanks for showing me the way. Have a good day Grimmy boy."

Natsu cringed as the soul walked through. He sincerely hoped nobody ever called him that again. Stupid stereotypes.

* * *

When Natsu got back Lucy was back in the room. Still in the bed. Only this time her eyes were open.

"Lucy! Your awake!" Natsu got closer to pull her in for a hug, pausing when he realized her face was wet and red. "Have you been crying?"

Lucy wiped her face on the blanket. "It's nothing, don't worry. Of course I'm awake. I was in an induce coma so I wouldn't go into shock after what happened and to let my internal injuries heal. The doctors woke me up when it was safe."

"An induced coma?"

Lucy started laughing. "Sorry. I should have known that you wouldnt realize what that was. It's no big deal, don't worry about it okay?"

Natsu nodded. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was hiding something but didn't comment on it. If she wanted to tell him she would.

"Hey Lucy, is it okay if I call for Gray and Lisanna? They would love to see you."

"Of course. I'm sure they have been worried too." Lucy smiled softly but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Her eyes were different. They didn't have the same light that they normally did. Natsu chose not to comment on that too. She had been through a lot. She would talk when she was ready.

Lisanna and Gray appeared mere seconds after he called for them. The sight of Lucy awake made Lisanna tackle her in a hug. Gray was more contained. He settled for patting Natsu on the back.

It was a good thing she had a private room or everyone would have through she was crazy.

Lisanna and Lucy laughed and talked but Natsu drown out what they were saying. Instead he just watched Lucy. She talked so much with he hands and smiled. She giggled and looked almost carefree. Still there was something there that just wasn't right.

He didn't want to let it bother him. Instead he watched and treasure the way she looked when her smile creased the corners of her eyes and her nose crinkled when she laughed. He would remember this Lucy. Always. He wouldn't keep remembering her tear streaked face and her eyes filled to the brim with heartbreak. The back of her head as she ran away or when she was unconscious and covered in blood.

He didn't want to remember he like that. He didn't want to see her like that ever again.

He would make her happy. So damn happy that she would never look like that. Only like this. He made a silent promise to himself and a promise to Lucy that she didn't even know about.

The only tears she would cry because of him would be tears of joy. He wouldn't break her heart again.

* * *

A/N

Hey everyone! I am still safe and alive and the best news ever is that we had rain! It was beautiful. Sadly there was a flash flood but that wasn't even close to where I am so I am safe, (my thoughts and love to those affected) seems like Australia can't catch a break atm. At least a lot of the fires though there are still a fair bit that are put of control it gives me hope that maybe more rain will come. I really hope it does.

Please continue to give your thoughts to those in Australia affected by these fires.

To any Australian readers. I hope you are all safe and continue to remain safe.

Lots of love and well wishes to everyone xx


	11. Chapter 11

Natsu stood with clenched fist as he took in the destruction surrounding him. The chaos and confusion that tore through the centre of any peace that could possibly be in atmosphere. Only there was no peace or at least, none that he could see. Cars on fire and bus that had tipped on its side. A motorbike with no rider but a man wearing a helmet meters away with his body disfigured and - if the way the helmet sat was anything to go by- his head facing the wrong way.

Souls were walking around everywhere he looked. Some yelled, some cried and some who just stood and watched, as though they were trying to peace together what exactly was happening but struggling to find any conclusion that could possibly make sense. He would find no peace here. Only fear, chaos and confusion

Beside him, Erza and Gajeel stopped walking and looked at him as though waiting for his questions.

"There are so many of them." He said mostly to himself.

"This happens sometimes in the human world. Mass loss of life in the same destination. More of us will be arriving soon but we should still try to take as many as we can at a time. Your list, like ours, has the names of everyone who died here. Whoever you take will have their name crossed out automatically so we don't miss anyone." Erza said, matter of factly.

"How come I have never had to do anything like this before?" He really didn't want to do this. He could already see three souls fighting in his peripheral vision.

"You were not ready before. You are now." Erza nodded before walking forward and toward two souls who were now punching and kicking each other.

"Come on kid. We have a long night." Gajeel huffed and jerked his head toward a group of souls. "I'll take them and you can start with those two over there." He pointed toward a boy and a girl, holding hands and looking at each other with confusion.

Nastu normally wasn't a fan of being bossed around. Now he was grateful for the sense of direction it gave him. He squared his shoulders and walked toward the souls Gajeel had pointed out to him. The boy shifted himself to be slightly in front of the girl when he noticed a stranger approaching.

He cleared his throat before speaking. Trying to find the words to make this as easy as possible. Like always, he failed. It was never easy. For him, for them or anyone else involved.

First they didn't believe him. Then the girl started screaming and the boy just stood there with a hardened expression. Eventually they agreed to follow him.

They held hands as they walked through the barrier. Natsu couldn't help but wonder if that meant they would end up together in the afterlife. Then he went back to work and repeated the process all over again.

When he finally finished he looked at Gajeel and Erza, both of which looked completely unaffected by the nights events. He wished he could be like that. He wished he could shake the screams and cries of the souls that echoed through his mind.

Maybe in a few hundred years he would finally be numb to it. But not now. Not when every time someone died he remembered how close Lucy had been to that. Not with the ever-present thought that one day he would have to guide Lucy's soul to the afterlife just as he guided thousands of souls before her.

* * *

After climbing through the window of Lucy's apartment the sound of running water alerted him to the fact that Lucy was probably in the shower. He took the time to practice what Gajeel had taught him. Sure Gajeel had told him not to do it unsupervised but he was in the safety of his bedroom and nobody else was around so no harm could really come of it.

He focused hard and tried to pick up a pen from the desk. It didn't work. He tried again and still nothing. He was about to try and third time when he heard Lucy scream from the door.

"Wow, Lucy what's wrong?" He held out his hand to comfort her but she jerked back. Natsu looked her up and down, she was fully dressed but her hair was damp and her skin was tinted red. She was shaking. Was she cold? He was about to suggest that she put warmer clothe on when she spoke.

"Nothing, sorry I didn't realise you were home. You startled me." She smiled at him but it didn't look right. Something about it didn't reach her eyes. Speaking of her eyes, they looked different too. He wanted to analyse them more but she looked away from him. "I'm pretty tired. I think I might have an early night."

"Okay." Natsu nodded as she turned her back to him and walked toward the bed, climbing under the covers, not turning to face him even once. He had never been good at reading people. Actually that was an understatement, he downright sucked at it. He wasn't a person so it made sense that their would be things about the living that confused him. But Lucy wasn't just anyone, and he knew that when she wasn't being completely honest about something her left eye would twitch slightly.

Even though she had looked away from him, he could swear he seen her eye twitching when she had spoken to him.

He walked slowly toward the bed. It shouldn't be a problem right? They always shared a bed before.

When he sat down he could see her body stiffen. It hurt.

"Hey Lucy? I think I might go for a walk, I had a rough night."

He was met by silence.

"Lucy?..." he reached his hand out to touch her shoulder when her head snapped around to look at him, her arm propping her up, with an expression he had never seen on her face before.

"Well are you going for a walk or are you gunna just sit there and nag me about it?" She spat. Natsu stood up and raised his hands.

"Lucy? I don't understand. Have I done something wrong?"

"No! Just leave me alone!"

"Well did someone else do something?"

"Are you deaf? I want to be alone."

He wanted to say something else but he couldn't find any words. Not when Lucy was looking at him the way she was. He was just about to turn and leave when she crumbled. Tears streaming down her face and her legs curling to her stomach as she hugged herself.

He didn't say anything. He just walked toward her and wrapped his arms around her.

Her body shook as he held her. For a moment he was reminded of when he held her after her mum had died. This was different though. Before he had cradled her like a child, now he held her from behind like a lover. One arm was under her head and the other was wrapped around her body and legs. It had never truly stuck him just how small she was compared to him.

Soon her sobs turned silent though her tears still wet his arm.

"What ever is going on, tell me how to fix it Lucy. I'll do whatever it takes to fix it." He whispered.

"It won't come off. No matter how hard I scrub and scrub, no matter how hot the water is... it just won't come off." Her voice cracked and she let out another wet sob.

"What won't come off?"

"Him. His hands. I can't wash them off."

Natsu didn't respond, only wrapping his arms slightly tighter around Lucy.

He should have known. He should have known she wasn't okay, that she probably wouldn't be okay for a long time after what had happened to her. He didn't know what happened before he had gotten to her, or how much of it she had been conscious for but all of it still happened to her. It still hurt her.

"I feel so broken. So angry and lost. I feel everything and nothing at the same time and I don't know what to make of it." She sobbed. His chest clenched.

"You're not broken. You're perfect." He soothed, moving his arm from around her to stroke her hair.

"I'm not. I'm not even me anymore. I'm angry and I'm scared and I CAN'T GET HIS FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!" Lucy jerked upright and started scratching at her arms and legs urgently. Her nails dangerously close to breaking her skin.

Natsu stood from the bed and grabbed her hands gently. He was way out of his depth. He knew that. He had no idea what would actually help but he couldn't stand seeing her hurt herself like that. So he done the only thing he could think of. He pulled her up.

"What are you doing?" Lucy half shouted but her sobs broke her volume.

"Come with me." He whispered to her almost pleading. He didn't know if this would help but it was the only idea he had. To his surprise she let him lead her by one hand. He didn't even notice that he used the other to open the door to their room or the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" Lucy spoke, her voice still shaking as he turned on the taps to the shower, still not realizing exactly what he had done as he walked under the water, pulling Lucy with him both fully clothed standing under the stream of the shower head.

"I'll help you wash him off. Only if you want me to." He kept eye contact with her. Her hair stuck to her forehead and her clothes completely drenched. Her eyes were read and swollen, but when she nodded neither of them twitched.

"Please."

He looked at the assortment of bottles on the shelf. "Which one do you want me to use?"

Lucy picked up a blue bottle and handed it to him, he opened the lid and poured the cool liquid into his hand.

"I've never done anything like this before, if I hurt you or do something wrong tell me okay?"

Lucy nodded.

He started with her arms, rubbing gently as bubbles started to form. Then he moved to her shoulders and back, still facing her as he moved his hands behind her. She closed her eyes and he body started to relax under his touch, the water washing the bubbles away almost as quick as they formed.

He got to his knees and washed her legs from her calves to her thighs. He slowly stood again as he caressed her hip and stomach.

Her eyes stayed closed and her breathing evened out. Natsu paused to pour more of the cool liquid into his palms before moving to Lucy's collarbone and neck. She let out a breathy sigh and Natsu wasn't sure what it made him feel, but the small noise definitely made him feel something.

Then he moved to her face, starting at her cheeks he used his thumbs in soft stroking motions. Then he cupped her face in his hands and just watched her for a moment as the bubbles disappeared. For the first time since the night she was hurt, he noticed she had a scar on her brow and on the top of her forehead. They were tiny, not even noticeable unless someone got close enough to look.

He moved his hands, one to wrap around her waist and the other wrapped around her shoulders, pressing her cheek against his chest and holding her close.

"How do you feel?" Out of all the questions he could of asked, this one seemed to ring with the most urgency.

"Cleaner. Still scared, but better then I did before." She sounded so soft and small. "I think I might need to get some professional help. Someone who knows about this kind of stuff to talk to and help make sense of my emotions."

"Whatever you need. I'll be here no matter what you do."

"Thankyou Natsu. I really meant what I said you know."

"About wanting to be alone?"

"No. About loving you... and its okay if you don't feel that way for me. I respect your feelings and it wouldn't be fair of me to expect you to feel a certain way just because I want you to."

"Lucy I do-"

"I mean it, its okay. Don't say things just to make me feel better. I haven't been fair to you but I want to be better. I love you Natsu and I'm lucky to be able to say that. Being able to know you well enough to love you is more then enough."

He wanted to argue, to tell her he did love her. To take back everything he had said about not being selfish. Fuck it, he wanted to be selfish. To take this one bit of happiness and hold onto it for all it was worth. Before he could Lucy started crying again.

"I'm scared he is going to find me and hurt me again." She whispered loudly.

"That won't happen." He said matter of factly.

"How can you possibly know that?" Lucy looked at him and it finally struck him. She was unconscious. Nobody had told her what happened. How could nobody have told her?

Natsu tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Please let her not hate him. Please let her not think differently of him.

"Because I killed him."

He waited for her to scream or call him a murderer or run away, but she didn't.

Instead she chuckled.

"Am I a terrible person for feeling relieved? Maybe I have gone completely insane after all." She looked at the ground and kicked her foot, splashing the water against the tiles.

"No, he was a terrible person and the world will be better without him in it."

"You don't regret it?" She looked at him but fiddled with her hands.

"Not in the slightest bit." And he didn't. Stating it out loud for him was like saying the sky was blue. Neither good nor bad. Just a fact.

"Maybe we are both crazy." Lucy smiled at him and he couldn't help the grin that came to his face. This was the Lucy he knew. He felt a sense of pride knowing that he helped her. Even if all he had really done was make her clothes all wet and soapy.

"Maybe we are." He shrugged, he didn't really mind either way. If they were crazy together than at least they were together. " Are you ready to go back to bed or would you rather stay in here longer?"

"I'm ready to get out. Thanks again Natsu, for everything." She mumbled sleepily. "All these emotions have made me tired."

"You're welcome. Lets get you to bed." Natsu reached for the tap to turn it off, but it wouldn't work. He tried a few more times but his hand just kept passing through it.

"Lucy, who turned on the shower when we came in here?"

"You did. Why?" Said through a yawn.

"And who opened to door to the bathroom?"

"You. Wait how did you do that?"

"I have no idea how, but... Lucy is my hair wet?" He knew she was tired and that she probably really wasn't in the mood to answer all his questions but he just had to know.

"Well, it was before but its back to normal now." She tilted her head and furrowed her brow.

"Do you know what this means?" He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly in excitement.

"Not really?" She threw her arms in the air rather dramatically considering her tired state.

"I was solid! I could feel things properly and touch things. Like being almost human and I didn't even notice!"

Lucy smiled softly at him and raised one hand to his cheek while using the other to turn off the water.

"Maybe its because you didn't notice that you were able to do it. Maybe it's because you weren't overthinking it."

"I dunno. Going solid takes a lot of concentration and will power." He said sceptically, folding his arms and raising his brow.

"Well however you done it, I'm sure if you work hard you'll do it again. Now lets go to bed. You might be dry but I am not, and its cold." She whined and stomped her foot half heartedly.

"Bed sounds good."

* * *

Natsu gave Lucy her privacy while she got some dry clothes on. It wasn't long after climbing into bed that she fell asleep. Every so often she would whimper and he would sooth her, whispering in her ear that he was there and that he loved her until her breathing evened out again. It would be a long time before Lucy would ever fully get past what had happened, if she ever did. But Natsu really hoped he would always be able to help her through it. He hoped she would let him.

Even if touching her the way he did before lit a fire in his chest that he still couldn't figure out how to extinguish. He didn't really want to. Not when it made him feel so alive.

* * *

A/N

I'm back! Sorry for not updating in ages! Long story short my phone broke and because of covid restrictions I couldn't get it fixed then by the time I could I was working I was working 6 day weeks sometimes 13 day fortnights and just crazy busy and exhausted!

I hope this chapter was somewhat worth the wait, though I am honestly pretty unsure about it and have been mulling it over for a while but I figured it was time to give everyone something to read while in social isolation (depending where you are in the world of course)

Let me know what you all think!

Lots of love and well wishes

Stay safe!

BD4414


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